Before I start writing this article, I just want to let you all know, I didn’t write this alone! My boyfriend came up with this idea and then also helped me with some of the main points I’m making. So, don’t thank me, thank him. Now, on with the post!♥️✨
Being alive on earth is tough. I think we can all agree that each of us have face at least some hardship whilst existing on this earth. But, one of the most constant issues both males and females face is the issue of double standards.
The Cambridge English Dictionary defines double standard as “a rule or standard of good behaviour that, unfairly, some people are expected to follow or achieve but other people are not“.
Whether you want to admit it or not, every single one of us has faced a double standard. The only way for these ridiculous ideals to end is by calling them out and explaining why they are wrong. So, here I am for you today, calling out all these standards. I hope you will join me in explaining why they are wrong, calling them out, and even adding double standards which you or someone you know has faced.
When women have sex, they’re classified as “whores” or “sluts”, but when men do it they’re seen as “players” and it’s seen as a positive.
Possibly one of the most well known double standards, dating back to the beginning of time. It most likely started because of religious beliefs of pre-marital sex and all that jazz, but I will never understand exactly why men could get away with it but women were scrutinised. It makes no sense, it shouldn’t happen, as long as it’s consensual then it’s fine. I’m a strong advocate for sex positivity – this is a very controversial thing, hence why I am here to ensure you know that it’s okay!
2. Boys can’t cry or talk about their feelings – whilst girls are encouraged to do so.
Whilst it’s always hard to reach out when you are struggling with your mental health, toxic masculinity is the reason many men struggle to say they are struggling. Due to unnecessary ideals of what it takes to be a ‘real man’, many guys feel like they cannot say how they really feel as they’d be considered weak, which is completely untrue. A brand which I have watched grow from simply an idea on an Instagram account to their extreme popularity now is Boys Get Sad Too. Its aim is to raise awareness and to start the conversation about men’s mental health by selling thought provoking products.
3. Girls can show affection and be tactile to their friends, but when guys do it they get ridiculed and called “gay”
Yet another toxic masculinity ideal which is crazy. If you appreciate your friends, you should let them know! No matter your gender, show appreciation for those you love! And, if you are gay, it’s not a bad thing! Anyone who says it is, they’re wrong and uneducated and pay them no mind.
4. Boys can hit a girl – when play fighting – and they’ll be known as a “woman abuser”, but when girls are abusive to their boyfriends, no-one seems to really care.
A large amount of double standards which men face stem from toxic masculinity and the whole idea that “boys don’t cry”. This one irks me. Boys and girls can both get abused. They’re not weak because it happens, it’s a horrific thing to happen, no matter who you are, and if someone is brave enough to speak up about it, you should support them, not scrutinise or attack. They’ve been through enough, give them the respect that the monster who hurt them didn’t.
5. When a boy dates a girl in the year above, he’s “pulling”, but if she’s in the year below, it’s creepy.
As long as it’s consensual and they are both of age then it’s fine, and if not, they do nothing sexual until they are over 16. It’s a strange one and it only really happens in secondary schools. The best thing to do is to simply ignore them, they’re annoying kids who are bored.
6. Men don’t get raped, and if they do, they get ridiculed.
There are (completely incorrect) beliefs that men should be strong enough to fight their rapist off. It’s insane and it’s similar to the belief that guys can’t get abused. Just stop it. If someone has been sexually abused, support, don’t shame, it is really that simple.
7. If a woman dates someone younger than her, than he’s a “boy toy”, but if the man is older, than she’s a “gold digger”
Example ages: 25 and 60. The woman will always get scrutinised when in a relationship with an age gap. Yet again, as long as it’s consensual and healthy, there is no point in being hateful. If you’re happy with them, and it’s a legal age gap, go for it!!
8. Teacher student relationships get covered differently in the media, depending on what gender the teacher is.
If it is a female teacher, then the victim is meant to be considered “lucky” as it is a common sexual fantasy, whilst if it is a male teacher then the victim is presented as being manipulated and abused (which is the truth). Media coverage will say things like “boy, 15, slept with teacher, 25″ when the teacher is a woman, but if the teacher is a male they will say “girl, 15, manipulated into sleeping with teacher, 25″. It’s messed up, and both genders of teachers should be called out for being manipulative and abusing their power.
9. Tomboys are way more acceptable than tomgirls
From clothes to the way they’re able to act and also the things they do/play with, women are far more accepted if they’re a little bit more ‘masculine’. If anything, in the current day, it’s encouraged. STEM subjects now all try their hardest to employ more women, using positive discrimination. However, if you are a male who is interested in more ‘feminine’ activities, then toxic masculinity comes into play and a boy is likely to be bullied for playing with Barbies and makeup.
10. Guys can talk about sex graphically, but people are disgusted when girls do it
There’s a specific bs list of expectations of women, and this one is just under “women aren’t funny”. It’s completely messed up, and it’s a double standard which perfectly circles back to my first point. Sex is such a heavily stigmatised thing, there are so many misconceptions which lead to people getting hurt and things like the fact that girls shouldn’t speak about sex simply add to it.
Finally, we’re having the discussion I’ve been trying to start for years now, it’s just a shame that an innocent woman had to die in order for this to begin. I want to start by giving a disclaimer that this article will have strong language, talk about mature themes such as sexual assault and rape, and it’s just generally not suitable for younger audiences or people who get distressed when reading the topics, I will be bringing up. Your safety is the most important thing. I also want to say that I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone, I am simply here to explain what is going on and so are those I spoke to.
About a week after the discussion of women’s safety became extremely present on mainstream media, I knew I had to talk about it
What’s going on at the moment, how it’s affecting people, I speak about this so much, I decided to get more people to talk about it and include my input to the situation. However, I soon realised, I have done this sort of thing a lot. Some examples can be seen here, hereand here. Since I write about this so much, I decided to ✨spice things up✨ and I asked a favour from some of my friends.
I wrote up different questions in a questionnaire and I got them to answer them honestly, and I’ve put them all here!
To make this a fair test, I didn’t give them any of my input before or during them answering the questions, made each of the questions the same, and told them it would be totally confidential.
For certain answers I have received, I may crop or leave out/slightly edit some questions. Not the overall message, I’m just going to ensure they are not too long or reiterate similar things which have already been stated.
I asked seventeen different people, and I have changed their names to protect their identities. I just want to say a huge thank you to those who did this for me, it means so much and I am so grateful to know people as incredible as you guys, especially considering I don’t always speak to you all that frequently.
The sixteen people I have chosen are essentially the future. They are 16-17 year olds, we all went to the same secondary school and now all attend college/sixth form. I know this isn’t a diverse mix, but this doesn’t make what they say any less important. The lovely people who helped me are:
James, 17, male
Daniel, 17, male
Elizabeth, 16, female
Andrew, 16, male
Teresa, 17, female
Jason, 17, male
Ryan, 17, male
Betty, 16, female
Amelia, 16, female
Jeffree, 17, male
Ana, 17, female
Brent, 16, male
Harper, 16, female
Now, after that extremely long introduction, here is the Q&A I had with those sixteen people ❤
Do you feel safe walking alone?
James – Yes
Daniel – I do for the most part. If it’s late and I’m on my own I feel a bit sketched out. Generally, I’m always cautious but I’m not scared.
Eliza – Not really, but I guess it would differ depending on the situation.
Avis – When I am with a group of people especially guy friends, I do feel safe but, when I am alone, I don’t always feel safe.
Bailey – No strong answer, as I don’t walk alone very much.
Andrew – Depends – usually on time and area.
Teresa – No
Jason – No
Ryan – I feel safe walking home by myself most of the time but not late at night
Betty – No
Amelia – No, especially not at night.
Jeffree – Yes
Ana – no, not at all
Harper – no I don’t feel safe when walking alone, especially at night
Brent – I don’t feel unsafe unless it is dark. [still wary though]
Do you worry about the safety of the women you care about?
James – I do
Daniel – Absolutely. I always worry about them
Eliza – I do yes
Avis –Definitely. When walking home from school or after hanging out with friends and having to go separate ways home I [think] I should probably walk my female friends all the way home just in case something happens. Which is horrible that I actually have to think about that.
Bailey – I do worry about them.
Andrew – Yes. It’s a scary place for women with creepy men catcalling and things.
George – yes
Teresa – yes
Jason – Yes
Ryan – I absolutely care about the safety of the women I care about.
Betty – yes
Amelia – Yes definitely
Jeffree – Of course
Ana – yes, a lot
Harper – I worry about pretty much any other women I know
Brent – yes
What do you think the government can do to ensure this gets better?
James – Spread more awareness about the subject as well as providing more in-depth information to young women and men about their safety.
Daniel – I think that there could be more foot police patrols around high-risk areas like alleys or secluded paths. But other than that, it comes down to people to not be pieces of shit.
Eliza – I don’t think it’s something that the government can fix. I also feel like a lot of the ideas that females would come up with, many men would feel are sexist.
Avis – Maybe if we can start trying to enforce this idea of “No means no” at schools earlier on things could change. We also need to get rid of this idea of “boys will be boys” and “she asked for it”. There are just so many toxic ideologies embedded into society from a young age.
Bailey – Rather than focusing everything on the female population, they should be finding a balance of resources, education and information for both women and men as to how they should be acting in situations such as these. And I honestly feel like the government need to be more open in discussions because they don’t seem to be as bothered with protecting women
Andrew – Maybe better lighting in the streets at night? And/or harsher sentences as a deterrent. If you rape someone and only get five years, that is an unfair sentence as the woman is affected for life
Teresa – Teach children better. Make sure people know the importance of consent, not only consent but enthusiastic consent and that anything less than yes means you should step away. Teach the importance of supporting people after going through that kind of experience.
Jason – I think they can and should put an emphasis on the safety and protection of women who are victims of assault of any kind, and they should try to keep an up-to-date list of people who have been reported for offences, and they should always talk to the parent of a young offender no matter what the offence.
Ryan – I believe more education is required and societal norms need to be shifted.
Amelia – I’m not particularly sure about what they can do because they can’t control the actions of each individual person.
Jeffree – I don’t believe the government can do anything.
Ana – Make it legal for women to carry some sort of self-defence.
Harper – they need to work harder to educate boys on the issue and make me of an effort to prosecute for rapists and assaulters cause too many get away freely
Brent – honestly believe there is very little that the government could do that would help the issue. I think that feeling on edge and cautious is a good thing as it means you know when to keep yourself safe but when it comes to feeling in danger the only real thing that could solve that is stopping the people that cause this feeling.
Do you think women should have to go to any more safety precautions?
James – I don’t think women should have to in the first place
Daniel – women shouldn’t have to worry at all no matter what they’re doing or what they wear but the unfortunate reality is that some people make that impossible
Eliza – I don’t think that it is fair that females have to more careful when walking around in their own neighbourhood than what men have to.
Avis – I mean, there’s already so many different “precautions” women have to go through, I hope there isn’t more.
Bailey – Unfortunately, for women to be able to stay safe alone, they may have to which is really sad.
Andrew – I don’t think women should have to because they should feel as safe as a man should. But during this time, it’s a good idea to take precautions such as rape alarms and things.
Teresa – Women are already doing enough, more than we should.
Jason – No, I don’t and I feel as If they take too many already. They should never have to feel as unsafe as they do, and women should be able to feel as if they can leave the house without fear of being assaulted.
Ryan – I believe they should go to a level they feel comfortable with doing but it is disgusting that they should have to take any precautions in the first place
Betty – They need to, but they shouldn’t have to
Amelia – Women already do everything that they can to keep themselves safe and recent events have proven that even that is apparently not enough. At this point the issue is not women not doing enough protect themselves, it’s the men (obvs not all) that feel that they are entitled to women’s bodies.
Jeffree – I feel they should have something to protect themselves if they are walking alone
Ana – Yes, they should be able to carry some sort of protection just in case.
Harper – I don’t think it should be a women’s responsibility to put in any more effort than they already do
Brent – If the woman feels unsafe it isn’t their fault. I think that only men can really change this.
What can men do when walking to make women feel safer?
James – I don’t know what men could do to make women feel safer while walking, since the same would apply to women and what they could do to make some men feel safer while walking
Daniel – keep their distance, cross the road, go on the phone or just straight up go another way if it’s late and the woman is clearly nervous. I always feel so bad walking close to women on the street because I can tell they’re on edge and it is just so sad how our society is like that.
Avis – Although this goes out to women as well, if they see a woman being harassed on the street or looking very uncomfortable while talking to someone, going over and calmly helping the woman away from the situation, like pretending to be a friend and asking where they’ve been or something like that, could really save a life.
Bailey – I think for men, they really need to give up the whole macho thing. Sometimes trying to be all big and strong and protective of women doesn’t always get the right results we need and instead only makes people see women as weak
Andrew – Tough situation, similar to being a teenage boy, smile and wave politely, carry on with your day seems to calm people down and helps make people happy
Teresa – Cross the road, call a friend. Or at least not get annoyed when we do things to protect ourselves if they won’t.
Jason – Men can cross the road, or call someone, or should attempt to get ahead of women so they can feel safer.
Ryan – Men can keep the eyes and thoughts to themselves not everyone is there for you talk to complete what you’re doing without disrupting others also if you’re continually going in the same directions as someone change your route, so they feel safer
Amelia – Walk female friends’ home if it’s dark or dusk, cross the street/don’t get near to a woman you don’t know when they’re walking alone, please don’t catcall
Jeffree – Protect them making them feel safer
Ana – If their friends with the women just walk them home, but if their a strange cross the road and walk on the other side or walk slowly so they’re not close to the women.
Harper – educating themselves is a big one, and standing up for girls if they notice something bad happening, calling out their mates if they say something like make a joke, and making efforts to look unthreatening when walking near a girl, or like crossing the road or something
Brent – try to make sure you aren’t walking behind a woman. if you are then cross over to the other side of the road. or if this isn’t possible stop for a while to make good distance between you.
What are your thoughts on changing the curriculum in order to try avoiding these issues?
James – More information on the subject to educate men and women about their safety and ways to know when a situation could pose threat
Daniel – 100% schools should teach the subject just like they teach anything else. Don’t avoid the subject! People should learn how to behave.
Eliza – I think that during younger teenage years such as year 7 to 11 could have a topic about sexual crime would help to educate young people about the world that we live in and how we can avoid incidents
Avis – should be introduced taught about “no means no” and issues around it but maybe said in a more positive-reinforced setting and sprinkling the teaching of these kind attitudes throughout multiple lessons so it becomes the normal for the children?
Bailey – I think everyone needs to be educated in these types of topics. Because past generations were never opening about these types of things it’s left our generation to speak up about it and make changes so that we won’t have to see this again in the future
Andrew – Great idea, ensure consent is not “just a box ticking exercise”, it needs to be something important.
Teresa – I completely agree the curriculum should be changed. The argument that young people shouldn’t have sex and so shouldn’t be taught about those things is stupid. People will have sex at any age, and no one can stop them, they should just know the importance of consent and safety. And it’s not like when we get older the teachings around it changes.
Jason – We should change the curriculum, so consent and sexual assault is more important than it already is.
Ryan – I believe curriculum particularly in younger education needs drastic changes. The first years of education the focus should be upon behaving as any decent person should
Betty – I think they should change it to better educate girls and boys about the reality of the world
Amelia – I think that schools should educate students more on these issues because it’s a very real and relevant problem.
Jeffree – something needs to change for people to feel safe
Ana – They could spend more time explaining it and showing documentaries.
Harper – I think they need to change the curriculum, education kids from a young age will help engrave it in their minds that this stuff is not okay
Brent – I think it is extremely important that schools educate us better on these issues.
What about false conviction rates? Fake rape claims? How do we avoid these miscarriages of justice?
James – I believe there are many women and men that will use fake rape claims to get what they want in selective situations; I believe the only way to ensure the avoidance of such claims would be by intensive investigation on both parties to understand the exact situation that took place
Daniel – The amount of fake rape claims is tiny in comparison to actual rape claims or rape that never goes reported. I think people who make fake rape claims, male or female, should be punished but it is by no means reason to Besmirch someone else’s claim.
Avis – Although it’s a very small percentage compared to true convictions, it is still a big issue and one used to put down women who have been raped so that the rapists get off easy. I have no idea what can be done of this issue, but I hope we can find one soon.
Bailey – I have a specific thing to say about false accusations and claims and it’s tied with how, despite things are now being talked about, stigma is still around and there’s now the romanticisation of [these] serious concepts which makes it incredibly difficult to gain the right balance
Andrew – It’s hard to prove without evidence, for both sides, the only way is DNA and witnesses. False convictions happen less often than rape cases being ignored, but you cannot always instantly believe women because it could ruin a man’s life, but you can’t believe the man as that could ruin the life of the woman. I don’t know what to do.
Jason – I am aware that it is something that happens. I feel like these should be made aware of.
Ryan – There are already laws in place for such things if it’s clear that the accusation is made up, prosecution for deformation of character and filing a false police report should take place but more emphasis on believing the accused more methods should really be placed into preventing rape and femicides than preventing a smaller issue crime. If those two can be resolved I am sure the fake accusations would be more clear
Betty – people should be prosecuted for fake claims
Amelia – This is a difficult question because you get caught up between victim blaming and “innocent until proven guilty” and protecting the public. In certain cases where evidence is lacking, proving/disproving cases can be difficult. I don’t know how this issue can be overcome.
Jeffree – feel if someone files a false rape claim they should get the same punishment as what the falsely convicted [would have] due to them ruining their lives.
Brent – there is very little that can be done to prevent them without causing controversy over the fact that the rape claim could be true.
Do you think that tea video helps? What else could we do?
for reference, this is the videoI am talking about:
James – it touches on the subject in a very joking manner, it would make more of a difference if it was presented in a very serious tone as well as [providing] information about the consequences of their actions
Daniel – it really is not serious. If you’re trying to teach kids something important, teach it to them seriously. Consent is such an important topic.
Eliza – Although it has stuck in a lot of people’s heads after seeing it, of those people a lot have clowned that video thinking it is all just a joke.
Avis – I believe it set out with the right idea, it slowly has become more of a joke than a video educating young people on a serious issue.
Bailey – It has a meaning but if people are going to be anything like us, they won’t take it seriously
Andrew – The tea video is a good illustration, but kids look at it and don’t see the underlying message. At the ages of 10-14 it could help, but above then, it won’t help at all and could be detrimental.
Teresa – The tea video is awful. It is a joke in schools, and it takes away from the incredibly important subject. We should not be making jokes around the importance of this teaching. We should teach it in a way that doesn’t shy away from the message, regardless of the age.
Jason – I do not think that the tea video helps at all because in schools it is just a joke, and it needs to be addressed more seriously.
Ryan – The tea video is awful it is not specific enough it euphemises a topic of high importance the point must be clear of the severity and the unforgivable nature of the crime. Greater sex education is required perhaps at a younger age particularly about sexual assault harassment and rape and the clear definitions of what they are as many young impressionable people may not have been aware that they have been taken advantage of
Betty – I think there needs to be more open and more frequent conversations and demonstrations about it for everyone
Harper – the tea video is confusing, especially to younger kids and makes it seem too much like a fun quirky little thing when it’s a serious issue, when they can show us scary videos for things like road safety but not rape you can tell there’s an issue. they need both hard-hitting videos and proper education on the topic, not some funny little YouTube video that they just ignore
Brent – While it is useful for getting the message across and is a national thing that everyone understands and remembers, it turns the issue into a joke.
What do you think about the hashtag not all men?
James – I agree as I know that a lot of men are very against any of these actions
Daniel – clearly not all men harass or rape, but the fact still remains that any man can be intimidating. Even I could be considered intimidating, so I know I need to keep that in mind.
Eliza – I believe that it is correct. Not all men would mistreat women like some do however, because of the small amount that do, women are led to believe that all men are the same. Which in my opinion isn’t right?
Avis –I think all its doing is drowning out the women and the men who are talking about issues involving horrible men.
Bailey – I understand that not all men fit under the categories but the number of men who are involved is just too much and has become a sign of how toxic it is
Andrew – It’s factually correct, but equally, if that leads to a woman trusting all men and end up having negative experience with them, this will be detrimental in the long run
George– it’s very true
Teresa – Yes, it isn’t all men, but it’s enough men and I believe that the men who say “it’s not all men” are the ones most likely to be misogynistic or have the ability to sexually assault as they wouldn’t feel the need to disagree if they weren’t insecure about their actions or thoughts towards women.
Jason – I understand that it isn’t All men, but the men and women who use it tend to be aggressive and seem to be part of the reason why the hate crimes exist. But I would like for the message to be given how it isn’t all men. Some look out for women, and they also want to protect those they care about.
Ryan – I think the hashtag not all men is stupid, shifting the conversation into a direction it doesn’t need to take in the first place it shows how little the majority of men care. they only begin to care when it harms their reputation. There is a distinct lack of empathy and lack of will to do what is right and the conversation must remain at the focal point of the problem preventing future generations from suffering.
Betty – I think it’s a fair point to make but it’s being overused and not always helping
Amelia – Obviously not all men are like this. We know that. The issue is that it’s ENOUGH men that it’s a serious problem. The problem is that we don’t know WHICH men and therefore feel a degree of uncertainty and fear around them all.
Harper – everyone knows the situation is not all men, no one thinks every man is a rapist or sexual assaulter, but statistically it’s enough to be scared, people are afraid of dying in a car accident, but not all cars are going to crash, and as a woman you’re more likely to die at the hands of a man then a car, so I think it’s perfectly justified to protect yourself, cause these bad men prey on the naive and vulnerable.
Brent – I think that the meaning behind the hashtag is correct in the sense that it isn’t all men but the fact that people feel the need to bring it up almost shows guilt. it shows that they care more about their reputation than the safety of women and that is disgusting.
What are your thoughts on victim blaming?
James – I don’t agree with blaming the victim for the actions that took place
Daniel – people who victim blame are just straight up pieces of shit. Nothing, *nothing* could possibly make the victim at fault. “They were wearing a short skirt” and? They don’t dress for you. Fuck right off.
Eliza – In my opinion, the process of victim blaming is fucked. The statement of ’she is asking for it’ makes me sick to my stomach as thinking about a woman as an object because she is wearing certain clothing.
Avis – Victim blaming is horrible. Someone has gone through something absolutely mortifying and people have the audacity blame them for what happened to them. All I can think about is “Haven’t they gone through enough?”
Andrew – Very simply, it’s one of the things which lead to court cases being dropped. No woman is wearing a skirt with the intention to get raped that night. She could be wearing a mini bikini with the Pornhub logo on, you do not touch that woman unless she explicitly says it’s okay.
Teresa – Victim blaming is awful. No one would ask for the trauma and PTSD that those actions lead to. No one would ask for the judgment received after people find out. No one would ask for that feeling of helplessness and disgust. Victims often blame themselves after going through that, why should you add to that.
Jason – What happens cannot be excused, and you should never blame the victim for what happened. People should be able to wear whatever they want and not be told that their outfit choice makes them a victim.
Ryan – Victim Blaming is fucking disgusting. You wouldn’t blame the seller at a store if an armed robbery takes place, it’s no different from any other crime. support is what’s required after a crime.
Betty – it’s awful in any circumstance
Amelia – Blaming women is absolutely ridiculous. The only people that can be blamed for rape are rapists.
Jeffree – Stupid, no one asks for it it’s stupid how people think people can ask for it
Ana – It’s terrible because it makes the victim feel worse about the subject and like they aren’t valid.
Harper – it’s never the victim’s fault, ever, this is a traumatic event they’ve been through and to belittle that in any way it’s such an awful thing to do
Brent – victim blaming is disgusting- the person that commits the crime is the only one at fault
Do you think it’s in the best interest of the woman to report the assault or not? Why?
James – Yes, I do so the person in question is delt with, assuming the report for assault was genuine
Daniel – I personally think women should report their assault but I know it isn’t that easy. I think their claims should be acknowledged, respected, taken extremely seriously and investigated and the assaulter should be punished severely. Whatever makes them the most comfortable is what’s best for them.
Eliza – Certain women that have experienced sexual assault don’t feel comfortable to share with loved ones, family or friends, let alone the police.
Avis – Although as a society we are getting “better”, I still believe it’s really unsafe for women to talk about these things and come out about them. There will always be a person telling them it’s their own fault or giving them grief about the situation. It sucks. However, there are a lot of people out there now to help women and back them up. So maybe a better world isn’t so far away?
Bailey – It would be but again, people think they’re fake or just brush off it off so I don’t think it would always work
Andrew – It depends, in an ideal world, all rapes would get reported, all crimes would be convicted, but sadly that’s not how the world works. If you have enough evidence, go for it 100%, if not just for you then do it for others. If you think it will harm your mental health, then don’t do it. It sometimes ends up with guys thinking they can get away with it, but you should to anything you can to try ensuring that you get justice.
Teresa – It often depends on the situation.
Jason – I think that women should know that they can report it and have something come of it, but with the way it is handled currently, reporting it to the authorities is something that is entirely up to them. It needs to be addressed differently because not enough comes of it.
Ryan – I wish it was in the best interest of a woman to report an assault but often can lead to far greater backlash. But I personally think the first step toward changes in action for every voice that speaks out another may gain the confidence to do so and the clear increase in reports will require change from the police and greater intervention and prevention would take place as a result
Betty – if women reported it as much as it happens then it will open a lot of people’s eyes and help to progress a more efficient way of prosecuting and maybe even preventing
Amelia – you would also be protecting other women by having dangerous people taken off of the streets. However, going through the process of police interviews and trials and experiencing almost a guaranteed degree of victim blaming would be incredibly taxing on one’s mental health, having to relive awful experiences would be terribly traumatic.
Jeffree – I would rather they report it because they could get more assistance, but I don’t know about how much assistance there is for victims
Ana – I think it depends on the woman feels, if she feels that she can deal with reporting it or not.
Harper – as things are currently, i think it’s always the best idea to report, but that doesn’t mean it’s at the women’s best interest.
Brent – whether it be reporting it or telling someone you trust i think it will often be in their best interest not to keep it to themselves. while reporting it has a large chance of not resulting in any convictions, not reporting means there is no chance at all for justice.
Is there anything else at all you want to add?
Daniel – people should just behave with basic decency. It’s really not hard. People who do assault or rape are lowlifes who can’t be bothered to stop and think. They have no empathy and I barely consider them people to be honest.
Eliza – just a bit of advice… From a personal experience I have had, do whatever you want to do with the information that you have. Whether that is reporting it to the police, keeping it between you and your friends or telling no one. Don’t feel like you are obligated to tell anyone whatever the situation.
Avis – To conclude everything I have said, the world sucks, if time, but maybe there’s hope for us yet?
Andrew – To any guys with female friends out there: try being with them as much as possible, not because men need to protect women but because it’s far less likely and no one will hurt them or try anything. If you’re considering it: think about it as if it was your daughter, sister, or mother that this was happening to and if you’re a girl, support other girls, don’t gang up on them. And the educate your sons movement is a great idea – something which my opinion has changed on over the past month.
Teresa – The issue will continue unless someone does something. Whether it’s changing the curriculum to teach the impacts that actions can have or changing the process for convictions. No matter what it is, something needs to be changed.
Jeffree – More support is needed to make people more comfortable coming forward with confidence to report an issue instead of hiding it from people
Harper – I just want to say I hope people don’t let this be another trend that dies out in a week cause it’s not popular to talk about it anymore, because that happens too much
What questions do you have? Who for?
Daniel – what can I do as a man to make women as stress free as possible whilst going about my day-to-day life?
Andrew – For most guys: how hard is it to be a decent human being? That’s more rhetorical but, it counts.
Teresa – for any person who has ever raped or assaulted anyone. Why? What compelled you to put a person through that?
Harper – to men who say not all men, why are you so desperate to make yourself seem so good? cause to most women it makes you seem way worse than better.
Brent – I would love to know how women feel, I have had conversations with family members about their opinions and they are as expected but a range of views would be interesting.
First of all, thank you again to everyone who helped me to write that. I know that it wasn’t easy for all of you, but you all did it and it really means so much and it was interesting to hear everyone’s take on this issue.
Thank you so much for reading this incredibly long article, I really hope that it has opened your eyes and that this is a topic which will continue to be spoken about until change finally happens permanently. Similar to the BLM movement, how many more innocent people have to die until we realise we need to make a change? Hopefully no more, but until that day comes, I’ll be here shouting from the rooftops until I go hoarse.
This is one of the hardest articles I have ever had to write, but I honestly feel so much better now that I have done it. I’ve also put so much work into it, even if it doesn’t seem like it, but thank you so much for reading. Please comment your opinions because I would really love to hear them.
Stay safe, stay kind, viva le resistance baby!! (we’re bringing that back), I love you all,
Happy International Women’s Day! The day which celebrates equality and women in general.
It’s not just IWD this 8th of March, no no, it’s also Commonwealth Day, the day in England which we get to start going back to school, and National Napping Day. Whichever one is most important to you personally, I think we can all agree that this Monday is one to celebrate.
This year International Women’s Day campaign theme is #ChooseToChallenge. The way to show your support is simply to strike the Choose to Challenge Pose and post it to social media! This way people will know that you are supporting inclusivity and equality.
Since I didn’t want to take the photo myself, I instead decided to challenge myself and draw myself doing the pose. This took quite some time I’ll be honest with you, but I am pretty happy with the end result and I hope that you can all see that it’s important that we choose to challenge gender bias, sexist talk and general inequality between men and women.
If you want to know anything else about International Women’s Day, go ahead and click here and I will see you next time!!
I like this topic! It’s quite different but it’s a thinker and I’ve worked out exactly what I want my kids to learn. I don’t really want kids, but if I ever change my mind, this is what they need to know. I could have a few stupidly obvious things, but I’ve decided on three different things that I’ve learnt throughout the years. God, I say years like I’m old, I’m still not 16 yet! Yikes. Anyway… on with it!
1. Life’s not fair, get used to it.
A quote pulled directly from my Dad’s getting-your-daughter-to-shut-up-dictionary. Ever since I can remember, if I’ve ever complained about something pretty miniscule, my Dad would say that phrase. When I was younger, I always thought it was really mean, but now I’m older [yep, still acting like I’m super old. This will almost definitely be a reoccurring theme], and (a smidge) wiser, I realised it’s actually true. Life sucks, man. Either you can moan and groan at every single small issue, or you can shut up and strive on. The only way for unimportant things to leave you alone, is to walk around them in your path of life. Get used to the small annoyances in life so you can face them all head on when you’re ready.
Slight side-note, but please appriciate that ever since these imaginary kids have appeared, I am acting like I’m some sort of a prophet/God. Is this what having kids does to you? Wow, I have so many questions!
2. Aspire for success, and don’t accept anything less.
Kind of a cute story behind this one. I was talking to someone about how shitty all my ex boyfriends were and he said this to me. Even though he meant it about partners, I feel like this applies to pretty much anything. I just love the idea of aiming high and achieving it, and I feel like these “words of wisdom” pretty much mean that you should never rest on your laurels, no matter how much easier that may be. You were bought here to achieve great things, so it’s only fair that you at least try.
3. Never shut up. It’ll be your greatest quality.
In my lifetime I have been called almost every slur in the book. All because I stand up for what I believe in. Make sure that if you believe in something so strongly, you will go to the ends of the earth to get your voice heard. As you grow older, your voice will merely become louder and those who try silence you are just jealous. Be proud of yourself, you’ve made it this far 🙂
Today I need to write about something I feel very strongly about. Of course, as I am a big activist and feminist, I have lots of topics to choose from, but the first one that came to mind was the problem with victim blaming and rape culture. Throughout this article, I am going to be explaining what problems our society has with victim blaming, going into my own and others stories of why we don’t speak out, and why there’s so much stigma around being sexually assaulted. This is quite a heavy-hitting topic so a trigger warning for anyone who is sensitive towards sexual abuse and the topic as a whole. Stay safe, I love you all, and let’s raise awareness about our shitty society! This article took me a super long time, researching, putting all my thoughts into words and making those words actually make sense. This is probably one of my favourite blog articles because I’m so proud of it so please let me know if you prefer articles like this which are more structured and informative 🙂
What Is Victim Blaming and Why Is It Bad?
For anyone who doesn’t know, victim blaming is, quite simply, putting the blame of what happened onto the victim instead of the perpetrator. In the UK, only 15% of people who have been assaulted reported it to the police. There are many reasons why people don’t say anything and why the #MeToo movement was ground breaking as it showed that lots of people have suffered from abuse without speaking out. As you can see in the image above, those are some of the most common reasons that people are afraid to speak out. The world we life in presents such a stigma around being sexually assaulted, that rape culture and victim blaming is a common thing.
After my story was reported, I had lots of people ask me extremely personal questions, and try to put the blame on me. this is not ok. This promotes the fact we live in a society which sexualises people for what they wear, claiming that “if you wear a skirt that short, you are clearly asking for the attention” which is total bullshit. Wear whatever you want, do whatever you want, as I always say, as long as you’re not harming yourself or others in any way, go wild, do whatever you want. If it makes you happy, do it!! It’s despicable the amount of victims who haven’t been taken seriously because of what they were wearing, their alcohol intake at the time, and if they were flirting or not.
Some Photos To Think About:
The way we dress doesn’t mean yes!
Literally every single woman, ever.
Those Who Assault and Why Many People Don’t Come Forward
Unfortunately, being assaulted is something you have to constantly be cautious about. If you are a female, I’m pretty sure you’ll know the fear you get when you walk alone anywhere. If I even hear so much as a patter of footsteps, I completely freak out and my brain goes full panic mode. The most worrying fact is I’m no longer fazed by catcallers and people yelling out to me, it’s an occurrence I’ve being mostly desensitised to. In the recent years, people (mostly men) who have either yelled abuse, cat-called me or said/done something inappropriate to me – a minor – is staggeringly high. It’s gotten to such a bad stage that when my friends see something like that, they freak out in situations I just shrug off. I used to love walking alone, putting in my headphones, listening to Taylor Swift, feeling like I was in some sort of music video, but now my friends (bless their little overprotective hearts) always make sure I’m not walking alone, or that if I am, that I message them once I’m home. They like being there to protect me and, even though I’d never admit it to them, I feel a lot safer with them around.
However, in many ways, being catcalled by someone who you have never met before is so much better than being sexualised or made uncomfortable by someone you know. You know that society has a problem when I have to choose one of those to nightmarish situations as a “preference”. God our world is f*cked. Statistics show that 90% of victims knew the perpetrator prior to the abuse. (Leaving all links to my info at the bottom of this so you all know I didn’t pull these percentages out of thin air). This is one of the reasons that I didn’t report as I was afraid I would be seen as provoking him. That’s the problem with being abused by your childhood friend, no-one will believe you because you still act as if everything is fine and dandy because you’re just so desperate to go back to how things were, even though you know there is no hope of that ever happening.
After My Story Was Told – My Experiences
I remember the entire day that everything came out like it was yesterday. I’ve spoken about it multiple times now and if you’re new around here, welcome and you can check out all of that here. As you know, the case never got convicted, which is a very common occurrence. Conviction rates for rape and sexual abuse are so much lower than other cases, with only 5.7% reported rape cases ending in conviction. We can’t expect to be taken seriously when almost all cases are acquitted before they’re even opened.
Something else which my abuser did after he started abusing me is he claimed to be gay. God, the poor LGBTQ community, you get enough hate as it is. He claimed to be gay two months after the abuse began, and continued to be vocal about “how hard it is to be homosexual” – when he’s… ya know, not. I learnt something the other day when I was watching stand up comedy which honestly made me laugh so, so much. Now I’m writing this I’m still laughing because it makes me sick and I can’t deal with it any other way. I found out that Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein – two of the most notorious Hollywood sex offenders – decided they were now also gay because their lawyers were failing them. I have no issue with famous actors and actresses who are gay, but when they fake it so they can avoid sexual assault charges? Oh, sweetie, someone will be getting hurt and it’s not going to be me.
Why I’m Still Shouting This From The Rooftops – Statistics Which Make Me Shudder
A third of people believe women who flirt are partially responsible for being raped (Amnesty, 2005)
Approximately 85,000 women and 12,000 men (aged 16 – 59) experience rape, attempted rape or sexual assault by penetration in England and Wales alone every year; that’s roughly 11 of the most serious sexual offences (of adults alone) every hour.
Approximately 70 women commit suicide every day in the US following an act of sexual violence.
During 2019, 13% of all women in California were victims of rape.
A quarter of male victims of sexual assault were under 10 years of age.
Take This Away:
If you take anything at all away from this article please bare this image in mind…
Remember: It’s not your fault, it never was, you shouldn’t have to be held accountable for someone else’s actions.
I couldn’t really decide what I wanted to write as there are so many words of wisdom I could think of, so instead I have chosen a few of my all time favourite quotes and drop them here 🙂 I’m differing from normal articles at the moment and I’m really sorry if this isn’t your thing, I just feel like this will flow best, I promise I will be back to my normal writing style tomorrow, I just feel I need these two days of slightly random-ness and I’ll be back on track. Thank you so much for your love and support, it means the world to me.
For most of these articles, I need to think long and hard about my answer. However, this one came to my head without even really thinking. By far the person I look up to the most and who I hope I will meet someday is Malala Yousafzai.
When I was around 10 or 11, the book I Am Malala came out. I was in year six at the time and I didn’t know much about this woman. What I read changed my life forever.
For those of you who don’t know, Malala Yousafzai is a 23-year-old activist who spoke out against the Taliban, a radical terrorist group in Pakistan when she was only 10 years old. In an a futile attempt to silence her, she was shot in the head when she was twelve when she was on her way home from school. Being the strong person she was, she survived and managed to become the youngest Nobel Prize Laureate ever.
After reading her book, I completely re-evaluated my thoughts and feelings about so many things. Firstly, this is the book that really made me realise I was a feminist and that I wanted to change the world, and Malala made me realise I could do it. Her sheer power and resistance is something I will never stop talking about and I always hope that she knows she changed my life for the better. Secondly, she made me proud to be mixed race. Some of you have read my post about my Ethnicity, in which I spoke about Liza Koshy inspiring me to be proud about my skin colour. However, a mini turning point for me was reading this book. This strong woman who was Pakistani was standing up for what she believed in, and refused to let anyone silence her. Even after she was in fatal condition, she never stopped fighting for equality and for education for all.
This woman is such an inspiration and has shaped me to become who I am today and I desperately hope that one day I’ll be able to meet her, just to say thank you for helping me to accept myself and begin to become my best self.
I’m sorry this was rather brief, Malala is one of my biggest role models and I want people to understand that! Also, as I was writing this, I accidentally went down a bit of a Yousafzai-Spiral and it really made me realise how truly grounded this woman is, in one article I read she said all she needs right now is Netflix and Sleep and, honestly, who doesn’t! I think we can all agree that Ms Yousafzai is an absolute icon and inspiration to all young women in this world.
“If one man can destroy everything, why can’t one girl change it?”
I have a feeling this is meant to be positive and heart-warming, but who has time for that crap? I’m fuelled by insults and hate, it’s what makes me rise up and grow stronger.
One day, someone said to me – pre warning this may make you feel very uncomfortable because it’s sexualising a minor – and I quote
“Tati, you’re hot, peng and you have great tits [something which he has never seen, considering he’s only seen me in my school uniform]. But, the only way I’d date you is if you shut up about your opinions and let the men talk. Also if you dressed less like a whore then people may feel more sorry for you when you say you were sexually assaulted by different guys.”
I remember exactly who said this to me, what had caused them to say this, where I was when they said this, how I responded and why I never forgot it. So, without further ado, let’s delve in and analyse this quote!
Who: Of course I won’t expose this person by name because that’s not what I do. It just promotes more hate and fuels the cancel culture this society feeds off. However, we shall call this person… [brb currently looking up random names which don’t have any relation to me] Kronos! Kronos was someone I knew from school who added me on Snapchat to ask for help with schoolwork.
Where and When? This time last year ironically! It was the start of the summer holidays (after the sexual assault allegations surfaced) in 2019, just after I’d finished my year ten exams.
What caused Kronos to say this? We were on the phone just chatting, as I do with many of my friends, and I was jokingly complaining about how no-one likes me and that I’m going to die alone. [I swear to be overdramatic and true too Taylor!] So, of course, Kronos decided to be “helpful” and give me this lovely… boost in self-confidence? Constructive criticism? Just plain insult? Who knows?!
How did I respond to this? At the time, as ashamed as I am to admit it, I pretty much just said “oh, okay” because I didn’t really know what to say. However, it’s safe to say I cut off almost all contact with Kronos because he made me so uncomfortable. If he said this to me now though, I’d most likely roundhouse kick him into another dimension.
Why I never forgot. As a 14 year-old, vulnerable girl, I should not have just shrugged it off like I did. However, as bad as it is, it’s just part of the job description when you’re a girl. You have to deal with boys saying things which make you squirm, as wrong as it is. Even though I will never ever stop fighting the good fight of pressing on with my feminist agenda, I have begun to accept this sort of thing as a part of life, which is just so wrong. Please take this into account before you open your mouth and say something which involves making someone upset, degrading, telling them what to do, sexualising them or even simply calling them peng.
Thanks for reading this light-hearted but kinda important feminist article. I’m going to be cheeky and pretend it’s a Friday so I can say it’s a Feminist Friday post! Love you peng people, xo baby, Tati xoxo
Welcome to the second Feminist Friday! I have been inspired by the iconic The Guilty Feminist Podcast – the best feminist podcast I have ever listened to. I am huge fans of their episodes and you should definitely check them out. This blog article will be guilty confessions from a feminist who does sometimes to somewhat… anti-feminist things. Just remember, I am still a very strong feminist but I’m far from perfect… Don’t forget to comment your perfect feminist imperfections!
I’m a feminist but I think the song Blurred Lines is a tune and I have memorised the Just Dance 2014 choreography with my brother and I really get into it.
I’m a feminist but I love the reality show Yummy Mummies which is all about being a housewife, homemaker, good looks, fashion and lots of money. It’s very stereotypical and reverts heavily to gender roles but I love watching it and I’ve binged it on multiple occasions.
I’m a feminist but if I’m out and I need to pay for something, I always hope a guy will insist on paying for me.
I’m a feminist but if I’m in trouble with someone, I get my male friends to back me up. (They’re also very tall so bonus fear… even though they wouldn’t hurt a fly 😂)
I’m a feminist but when I really can’t be bothered to do something, I’ll play the “I’m on my period” card to get out of things I really don’t want to do. What can I say?! I am very lazy at times.
I’m a feminist but I get super obsessed with my looks and I treat everyday like it’s a fashion show. In my defence, you never know when someone’s going to take a photo of you! I am very narcissistic if you couldn’t tell…
I’m a feminist but I shave because I love having baby-soft skin. It’s fun to rub my legs together like I’m a cricket – don’t judge me, other people do this too!
I’m a feminist but I always get slightly flattered when I guy calls me attractive.
I’m a feminist but I always wear makeup when I’m going out.
I’m a feminist but I like to impress people – whether that be with looks, talents or smarts, I like to appear like the girl who has it all, which isn’t always a bad thing!
In conclusion, no-one is the “perfect feminist” we get by with our ideals and thoughts but at the end of the day, we’re fighting for gender equality. Please comment some of your “I’m a feminist but…’s” – I don’t want to be alone on this one! Just remember, everyone is different and we should embrace it!
Once upon a time, I was around my friend’s house and we were being ten-year-olds, messing around. My friend said there was a song a singer had released, and I had to listen to it. She said it was by Taylor Swift. Of course, I’d heard of the Miss Americana singer before, but I’d never watched her music videos. My friend showed me the iconic Blank Space music video and ever since then I was a Swiftie.
A few months later, I was in Bristol with my family and we were at the shopping mall Cribbs Causeway and I found the 1989 Album. My Dad caved and bought me the album and that was when my obsession began.
It’s not just because Taylor Swift is a good singer, she’s an amazing person too and through her actions and listening to her music which made me a stronger person when I needed to be. Two particular events she helped me through were life changing and no matter what happens, I know her music will be there to help me and raise me up when I really need it.
The first thing was the DJ David Muller V Taylor Swift groping trial. If you are unaware of this, long story short, Muller groped Swift at a meet and greet, and, after Swift spoke to his employees (KYGO) he was fired. This happened in 2013 and it finally got sorted out in 2017 – when I began getting assaulted. Hearing about how confidently Swift spoke about in the trial and how she managed to win the case for just $1 changed my way of thinking entirely and made me realise what this particular person was doing to me was not okay. Listening to her music made me realise that all the things that my abuser was tearing me down about were completely insane and that, for once in my life, I felt normal and accepted. When Reputation came out, my “friends” hated it, but I adored it. All the songs resonated with me in such a way and made me begin to accept myself. The lyrics were all about backstabbers and people pretending to be something they’re not and those few people who are there for you are gorgeous and amazing. Whenever I need a little pick-me-up I always blast Reputation and dramatically sing along to Look What You Made Me Do, Getaway Car and This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things – it’s very cathartic and I always leave me room feeling like a total boss-ass-bitch – which I am!
The second time Taylor Swift supported me through songs was with my breakup with my abusive boyfriend. That break up hit me hard, but through some of her iconic songs and (some underrated songs) I realised that “I would find someone someday who might actually treat me well”. Not only did they help me get over this guy, but they also made me feel more confident in myself and I’ll never forget the days I just spent belting out Taylor Swift lyrics until I felt that I was “finally clean”.
All in all, Taylor Swift is one of my biggest inspirations of all time and everything she does is honestly iconic. From the #drunktaylor memes circulating Twitter, to her just casually donating to amazing charities just because she wants to, to her loving relationship with her mother, to her being so brutally honest in her documentary Miss Americana. No matter what your opinions are on her, I feel we can all agree she is an icon, legend and star.