Why I’m a Feminist

Welcome to feminist Friday’s!  Where (almost) every Friday I talk about all thing’s female empowerment and equality!  This week I need everyone to know why I’m a feminist…

I’m a feminist because I don’t want that baby to grow up with gender roles about how boys don’t cry.

I’m a feminist because I don’t want that toddler to grow up thinking she needs to wait for a prince to save her.

I’m a feminist because I don’t want that four-year-old to grow up being told a boy is being mean to her because he likes her.

I’m a feminist because I don’t want that six-year-old to grow up being told she can’t achieve her dreams of being a sporting star because she’s a girl.

I’m a feminist because I don’t want that eight-year-old to grow up hearing grown men sexualising her body because her “shorts are too short”.

I’m a feminist because I don’t want that ten-year-old to grow up feeling self-conscious about her stomach size, her boob size, or her butt size.

I’m a feminist because I don’t want that twelve-year-old to grow up with the trauma and PTSD of sexual assault and harassment.

I’m a feminist because I don’t want that fourteen-year-old to grow up without any form of education about consent.

I’m a feminist because I want to grow up in a world of equality and love.

I’m a feminist because I want to grow up and not be afraid of walking alone or worrying who’s lurking around the corner.

I’m a feminist because I want equal pay.

I’m a feminist because I want abuse to end.

I’m a feminist because some day I want to be up for a job promotion against a man with a similar skillset as I do and for neither of us to be discriminated against (positive or otherwise).

I’m a feminist because I’ve been waiting for the world to change my whole life.  Now it’s time to make the world change.

Iconic Films That Pass the Bechdel Test

In short, an amazing cartoonist named Alison Bechdel created a criterion to show representation of women in films.  The criteria is quite simple:

A movie that has at least two women in it who talk to each other, about something other than a man.

At first, I thought that finding films which follow this would be super easy.  However, when I began thinking about it, movies which pass the test are few and far between.  For easy viewing, I have compiled a list of ten of my favourite films which pass this test.  Happy watching!

1) Wonder Woman

Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman

I am obsessed with this film. It’s the first superhero movie I ever watched and I was so excited because I felt I finally found a mainstream character in the media who looked like me. Wonder Woman is so cool and I can honestly do an entire paragraph about how she’s a feminist icon… (hint hint 😉 )

2) Jojo Rabbit

Taika Waititi and Roman Griffin Davis as Hitler and Jojo

I’ve already written a review on this marvellous movie – access that here: https://totallytatiana.com/2020/01/14/my-thoughts-on-jojo-rabbit/ but this film is outstanding for so many reasons and the fact it passes the Bechdel Test just gives me reason to love it even more

3) Enchanted

James Marsden, Amy Adams and Patrick Dempsy

Anyone who knows me also knows I love Disney. Those who know me very well know I am completely obsessed with Enchanted. A fariytale film with a feminist twist, with multipule cameos from Disney princess alummni, I just heckin love this film!

4) Crazy Rich Asians

Cast of Crazy Rich Asians

Rom Com films aren’t really my thing, but when I heard they were making a film made of an exclusively Asian cast and that it was based on a book, I was very interested. I read the book first, (and the second one… and the third one…) then finally went on to watch the movie with my Mum. I was obsessed! They perfectly bought all the characters to life and I loved it! The costumes… Oh. My. God!! Watch this film!!

5) Oceans 8

Cast of Oceans 8

A star studded cast? Check! An iconic heist film? Check! Showing girls can do it too? Check! This film is the best! It has some of my absolute favourite actors in too: Anne Hathaway, James Corden and Awkwafina to name a few!

6) Shrek 3

Shrek and Donkey

I still wonder how a film can be a complete hit with my whole English class and actually show empowering women. Also, Shrek is just one of those film franchises you need to watch.

7) Birds of Prey

Margot Robbie

I have already written a review about this film but I will never stop saying that this is the heartbreak healer. I’m so glad I watched this film when I did, because I was going through my own Joker and Harley breakup which made me feel so alone. I empathised with Harley Quinn and I left that cinema feeling like a new person. Read my full review here: https://totallytatiana.com/2020/02/16/my-thoughts-on-birds-of-prey-and-the-fantabulous-emancipation-of-one-harley-quinn/

8) Mean Girls

Lacey Charbert, Rachel McAdams and Amanda Seyfreid

This movie is so fetch! I quote it on the daily and it’s one of the 100 films you have to watch in your life.

9) Toy Story 4

The long awaited finale of this fantastic franchise. It definitely doesn’t let you down!

10) Clueless

Stacey Dash, Alica Silverstone and Brittany Murphy

This film is a cult classic and it’s directed by a fearless female so just watch it!

Disney Princesses

I won’t lie to you; I feel as though Disney princesses have a bad rep.  I’ve heard so many people talk about how they’re enforcing stereotypes to young girls and, even though this is true to some extent, I’ve found many people overlooking exactly what Disney Princesses stand for. 

When I was younger, I often found solace in watching Disney movies and I found myself learning a lot about my own identity.  I couldn’t help but idolise these women and wonder what it would be like to be locked in a tower, kidnapped or enslaved, poisoned or being woken up by true loves kiss.  (I was a strange kid – I know).  However, as I grew older, it was not the damsel in distress side I looked up to – it took some time to get my head around the fact that no-one wished to lock me up because I had magical powers, force me to be their servant because they were jealous of me and definitely no-one who wished to be my true-loves-kiss.  I began to look up to and idolise the true meaning of Disney Princesses and the females in the Disney franchise themselves.  I have selected six of the most fearless females in the Disney franchise who were my idols, style gurus, sisters and friends for the younger years of my life.

Belle is commonly given a bad reputation due to the Stockholm Syndrome elements and the somewhat bestiality vibes given off.  However, if we gloss over that for just a while, you will realise Belle influenced me and taught me so many things I do to this day.  She taught me being different from others is okay, it’s okay to read, to never let go of my morals, never give up, stand my ground and not be afraid to stand up to bullies and that every rose has it’s thorns.  She also loves yellow like yours truly, so you know she’s an icon.

Beauty and the Beast

Mulan is the one princess I don’t think you can chat sh*t about.  She saved China while going against gender stereotypes, teaching me to never give up, always be myself, how to push my limits and showed me how to be both physically and mentally strong.  She also taught me that I can do everything (and more) a man can do, and that the length of your hair doesn’t determine your gender (article explaining this is coming soon)

Mulan

Megara may not be a true Disney princess, but she is the most badass “Damsel in distress” you’ll ever meet.  She taught me that I shouldn’t stand for anyone’s crap, that I can help myself and a man doesn’t need to help me.  She taught me how to pick myself up again time and time again without anyone there.  She also taught me hair is a powerful weapon to use wisely.

Hercules

Jasmine taught me to never be ashamed of my own body.  Some may hate on what she wore but honestly, we all need that body confidence in our lives.  She showed me that I’m not a prize to be won, but instead a human being.  She showed me how to smash the patriarchy on a daily basis and to value freedom, equality and never to discriminate.  Most of all she taught me that it’s okay to have darker skin, it doesn’t make you any less beautiful. (Blog article about this also coming soon.)

Aladdin

Rapunzel wins the battle for best prince.  But she hasn’t just taught me to fall in love with a sarcastic, sassy, fearless man, she also taught me so much more.  There’s nothing wrong with having a dream that you wish will come true, creativity is a magical thing.  Also, she showed me that a frying pan is a damn good weapon.

Tangled

Giselle isn’t the most mainstream princess, but she is perfect all the same.  Her growth and character development throughout the film is definitely one to be applauded on and she is insanely strong and talented.

Enchanted

That’s all I’ve got for you I’m afraid!  I hope you’ve enjoyed this article and feel free to comment your favourite females in Disney movies!

xo baby, Tati xoxo

Clothes

Fun facts about clothes for you today!  I’m doing my mocks for the next few weeks, so I quickly bashed this one out so sorry if it seems rushed.  I’ll be back to normal programming soon and I may delete this so don’t be surprised.  After this I’ll most likely break until the end of January as that’s when the exams end.  Sorry again, I love you all and I’ll be back soon! xx

• If you’re wearing revealing clothing, you’re not a whore or a slag!  If you feel comfortable and confident in it than wear it!  Know that Tati will be cheering you on from the side-lines
• It also doesn’t mean you’re asking for it!  Clothes don’t mean yes.  If you say, “I couldn’t help touching them, they were asking for it.”  I’m going to say it.  You’re a dick.
• Catcalling is really not a compliment!  If I hear a man yell something at me, I get mad.  The best example of this is one time I was walking to school on my own – of course wearing my school’s summer uniform – a polo shirt and a skirt.  I was melting so I was showing a bit of skin – whore I know – and I had a builder walk up to me and lick his lips while making direct eye contact.  I am a minor.  I just want to walk to school and not have to call my friend because I’m scared.   Long story short, don’t wolf whistle or yell mean stuff at girls.  It’s not nice and it makes them feel unsafe.
• If you cover up, you’re not a prude!  I have a running joke with a friend of mine that I’m the whore and she’s the prude.  Why?  Simply because I have rumours flying around about me left right and centre and the same about her – only the other end of the spectrum.  Just wear what you like – you can’t please everyone so just please yourself.
• Boys will be boys and they will be held accountable for their actions.
• They’re just clothes!  At the end of the day they are just clothes, no need to get political, no need to overreact.  Let me wear clothes.  End of.

Questions a Feminist Gets Asked

So, if you haven’t realised by now, I’m a massive feminist.  I believe massively in equality for all and as Karen Smith says in Mean Girls the Musical “I expect to run the world in shoes I cannot walk in.”  I’m also not afraid to let others know what I believe in.  Although people are typically very lovely and agree with me (for obvious reasons) I have met – on more than one occasion people who are slightly… We’ll say confused, on what a feminist is.  This – as well as being kinda offensive – does give me great content for my blog.  Most of these made me laugh, so hopefully it’ll do the same for you!

First up – my personal favourite:

“You’d be really sexy if you weren’t a feminist.”

What?!  Firstly, that you for calling me sexy… I think?  (We were both underaged so nothing untoward was going on).  I just love it because the person who said that to me genuinely meant it as a mix of a compliment and constructive criticism.

“Is it because you can’t cook and want men to do it for you?”

This is amazing.  Fun fact about me: I cannot cook to save my life – honestly I once out something in the microwave on a plate, the plate started sparking, I took the food out and put it back in the microwave because I thought it looked cool.  I’ve burnt myself more times than imaginable because I’ll touch a tray that just came out the oven to see if it’s hot.  So, to be fair, I can imagine myself doing that.  But I’m not!  I’m doing it because… Equality!

“Do you want to become superior and have men become your slaves and worship you?”

Yes.  I’m kidding I promise – I couldn’t deal with being a dictator, there would be too much pressure 🙂

“Is it just a phase?”

It’ll be a phase until we’re all equal – respect the drip Karen.

“Do you burn your bras and shave your hair off?”

God, I could never burn a bra – do you know how expensive those things are!  And I do quite like my hair and it would take so long to grow back!

“Are you a man hater?”

No, I like men.  My Dad is someone I’ve always looked up to, and his Dad got me into Performing Arts, while my Mum’s Dad gave me his gift of being extremely extroverted and I can talk to people easily.  My little brother is a sweetheart and my Big Bro is crazy but he’s one of my closest mates.  Thumper is my best friend and he’s a dude… and we can’t forget my boyfriend who I simply adore or any of my other guy friends.  So, guys are pretty cool, I guess I’m just a society hater instead.

“Is this your way of coming out to us as gay?”

Quite simply, no.  Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being gay but I’m… not – oops.  I’m just an activist 🙂

Leading on from that last one…

“Do your parents know?”

Yes, and they’re very supportive with the fact I want equality for all 🙂

                Finally, this is a question I get asked lots and I want to clear it up once and for all.  “If you’re a feminist, why do you dress like a slut?” Because I should be allowed to wear whatever the hell I want and not be put down for it!  If someone posts a photo of them in a crop top and a mini skirt, I just want you to know you look amazing and I have an insane amount of respect for you.  If someone posts a photo in a hoodie and joggers, I want you to know you look amazing and I respect you. 

At the end of the day, let’s just respect one another and not put anyone else down.  Is that fair?  Okay, good!  Thank you for reading this article, I’m sorry for posting so frequently, I’ve just had my creativity flowing and I’m motivated to write and share!

Love you all, xo baby Tati xoxo

Feminist Playlist

Feminist Playlist – YouTube

This has been highly requested, it took a while, but we have it now!  I’ve compiled a playlist of 23 songs which my Instagram followers and I class as “Feminist Anthems” I have no doubt this playlist will grow as time goes on but below are 23 songs we all thought gave us that fighting feeling.

I Don’t Need Your Love – Six the Musical  

Sassy, fun and overall proof that self-love is the best love!

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Six – Six the Musical

It’s just all of Henry VIII’s ex-wives singing about being kickass, what more could you want?!

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The Man – Taylor Swift

All about female vs male representation in the media, also just a bop™

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I See Stars – Mean Girls the Musical

“You could make diamonds dull, you are so beautiful” is something I quote daily.

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Love is a Battlefield – Pat Bentar

I love this song for two reasons.  The first: my Mum introduced me to this banger, the second: the music video is the most iconic thing.  It’s so eighties but has a very sweet message.

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I’d Rather Be Me – Mean Girls the Musical

This song has it all.  Going against stereotypes?  Check.  Being sarcastic?  Check.  Swearing at those who’ve stabbed you in the back?  Check.  Strong vocals and catchy tune?   Check, check, check!!

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Heart of Stone – Six the Musical

“You can build me up, you can tear me down, you can try but I’m unbreakable.” Is what I told myself while going into school everyday last year

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Sexy – Mean Girls the Musical

“This is modern feminism talking, I expect to run the world in shoes I cannot walk in!” Need I say more?

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This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things – Taylor Swift

Cute and good message. That’s all.

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Bad Blood – Taylor Swift

The videos with Taylor Swift girl gang. I remember watching it when I was younger and just wishing I was a part of that.

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I Lived – One Republic

It may not be by a female artist but the message is still the same uplifting one.

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Fight Song – Rachel Platten

It’s a feminist anthem, need I say more?

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Just a Girl – No Doubt

Gwen Stephani, a feminist queen.

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Girls Like Girls – Hayley Kiyoko

An LGBT and feminist anthem which shows you that you sometimes need to break the rules and cross the lines.

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Run the World (Girls) – Beyoncé

It. Is. A. Feminist. Anthem.

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I Will Survive – Gloria Gaydor

“Do you think I’d lay down and die? Oh no not I”

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I’m Coming Out – Diana Ross

This song shows you girls can go out and have fun, in a glamour-filled way!

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The Best Day – Taylor Swift

A sweet message and whenever I hear this song I think about my Mum.

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Fearless – Mean Girls the Musical

Stand up to those bullies and toxic friends!

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Shake It Off – Taylor Swift

Just dance to it. Dance to it and feel your troubles burn faster than the calories

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You Need To Calm Down – Taylor Swift

Another LGBTQ+ anthem “and we see you over there on the internet, comparing all the girls who are killing it.”

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Girls Just Wanna Have Fun – Cyndi Lauper

We also just wanna have fundamental rights but you know.

What Feminisim Means To Me

Growing up, I was always anti-feminist. It sounds crazy – how could I be against equality for all? But back then I didn’t know what feminism was. Back then, I thought feminists were crazy women who wanted to walk men with a lead plaited from their own armpit hairs. Back then, I thought feminists were violent vigilantes who burnt their bras and ran around kicking men where you really should never kick a man… Unless, of course, you have their consent – but we won’t get into that today!! But, that was back then. I was 7 years old then and even though I’m only 15, I know enough about the world to say I know what feminism means to me.

Feminism to me is equality for all.

Feminisim to me is my three closest friends being male.

Feminism to me is not spreading lies, secrets, and rumours about those we call our “sisters”.

Feminism to me is about fighting the good fight, and standing up for what I believe in.

But, most importantly feminism to me is bringing other girls up, not tearing them down.

Thank you so much for reading, I’m so sorry I haven’t posted in ages, I’ve had something of a writer’s block – hence why this isn’t so long – and I’ve also been swamped with revision, and when I’m not revising you’ll find me hanging out with boy friends’ and boyfriend’s. Stay tuned because I will post more regularly, you’re all amazing,

xo baby, Tati xoxo

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The Fighting Female

Future generations being able to live

Equally alongside their peers, ending the constant

Misogyny us girls face as people are scared of our

Intelligence, even though they pretend our self love is

Narcissism, but don’t worry about them as they are just too

Ignorant to know basic fundamental human rights. But you’re different. You’re

Stronger, smarter and sassier than all of them combined. If we all work

Together, we can end this obsession and make equality the norm.

Wonderful Women

Long story short, women can be the most amazing, wonderful, kind-hearted people.  That’s all thank you for reading see ya soon.  For real though, I honestly do not think I would be half the 15-year-old I am today if it wasn’t for the amazing, influential women I have in my life.  So, while my mental health is on a high, while I can’t watch youtube because of the hecking fireworks going off every five seconds, while I feel bad for not posting in agesssss, I’m going to tell you about the best five fabulous women who have shaped me into what I am today.

Firstly, my idol, wcw, future wife, Miss Taylor Swift!  Say what you want about her but I’m going to say right now that she should be treated with so much respect.  I used to love listening to her songs and dream about how one day I would get my own man who has a James Dean daydream look in his eye before I even knew what a crush was.  She was the soundtrack to my Year Six, Seven, Eight, Nine and Ten and her music gave me the strength I needed to keep on fighting.  If she could turn all the hate she received into multiple songs I quote on the daily, I could deal with the rumours at my school.  Even to this day I’m not ashamed to admit I saw her in concert and now whenever I feel down or don’t think I can face another day seeing those people at school, I just blast out Look What You Made Me Do and suddenly I feel kickass and ready to start the day.  Music may not be able to change the world but Taylor Swift sure has saved mine.

Another woman who has shaped me and my future more than she will ever know is my year 10 English teacher.  I have no way of contacting her or seeing how she is so I just have to hope somehow she’ll one day read this and realise what a great teacher and influence she was to me.  Not only did she make me fall in love with English and reading once more, but she made me realise I do have a future in this world, and it can be as amazing as I want it to be.  Now, because of her I know what I want to do post year 11 – something I couldn’t bare to think of a mere few years ago.  She believed in me and saw more potential in me than I did at the time.  Now I can saw with confidence I am good at English Literature and my grades show it!  So, to my year 10 English teacher who taught 10XJA, just know that you’ve helped me more than you will ever know.

A woman of whom I have only met once but she has changed my life forever, is a woman called Lucy.  She also has a blog and it’s amazing and at the bottom of this article I’ll leave a link for it.  Lucy is such a strong kickass feminist and I honestly hope I get to be like her when I grow up.  She’s lovely quite simply.  She encouraged me to start my blog, she was my first follower, first fan and first supporter of what I am writing and doing, and she has helped me so much.  So, even though this paragraph may not be as long as the others, I just want to say people called Lucy are great (my therapist is also called Lucy and I adore her too, so I think Lucy’s are magical beings).

My favourite teacher that I have ever had is hands down my Citizenship teacher.  For those who don’t know, citizenship is basically all about the world around us and we talk lots about important matters such as consent, drugs and extinction rebellion and other “important” matters such as Brexit!  Was that too political?  Oh well, I am keeping that in.  She once, ONCE said to me that I could easily become Prime Minister and make England an amazing place and I hold that close to my heart.  She most likely doesn’t even remember saying that, but she lets me complain to her and the rest of the class about how ridiculous the world is and what can be improved.  Even though I am positive that my class hate me at this point, she still lets me scream and shout until I’m blue in the face then she asks me what I think I should do about it.  So, thanks Miss, for making my citizenship lessons fun and for giving me an outlet for my inner angry demon which would never see the light of day until it was too late.  So thank you Miss!!

Last but absolutely not least, the most amazing woman in my life has got to be my Mum.  Any of my friends can tell you that I love my Mum and that they love her too.  Mum, you’re very popular so well done, people like you more than me but we’ll brush past that.  Ever since I was in that womb, my Mum has been my number one fan and always supported me.  My Mum is the kind of Mum who listens to me complaining hours on end and just lets me without stopping me.  She likes to know what’s going on in my life but not in the helicopter parent way, but in the way that she genuinely cares.  We’re on the same wavelength and we speak exactly the same and have the same mannerisms and the same sense of humour.  She’ll probably use all this against me but oh well!  I love you Mum and I always worry I don’t say it enough, but I really do mean it from the bottom of my heart.  Here’s to decades more of us both saying exactly the same thing, jamming out to Foo Fighters, The Killers, Greenday and the list goes on, in the car, playing slapsies because we are both children at heart and getting amazing mugshots of one another.

It was super hard to make that list because I could have gone on for hours on hours on hours about all the women I love.  There are so many women and girls who have helped shape me but I’ll do another post about that (maybe on my Instagram which you really should be following).  Anyway, I love you all, viva le résistance baby!

xo baby, Tati xoxo

“And here’s to my mama, had to listen to all this drama!”

Taylor Swift – This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Lucy’s Blog

My Instagram

Manipulation

Hey guys, welcome back to the second of my sexual assault awareness posts.  This will almost definitely be the most difficult to talk about as I have not spoken about it to anyone except for the police.  I’ve began this article on the 9^th October 2019 and I guess we shall see when it’s done.  In this article, I’ll be going into the ways the individual manipulated me until the point of sexual assault.  As always, I’ll remind you that viewer discretion is advised, and I do not recommend reading if you are easily triggered buy any of the topics that come up in my other article: “An Overview of my Life Since 2018”.  Stay safe, I love you all and never forget you are not alone.

It began with blink-and-you’ll-miss-it things.  First there was the pushing and shoving.  That was never out of the ordinary – I had other friends who I played “rough and tumble” with.  But there was something about the way he did it, how he did it, which I felt was much more forceful and almost threatening.  It felt like a constant reminder that he was strong; he was powerful, and he easily could hurt me.  One day though, one day he very nearly could have killed me.  I still have nightmares and flashbacks to this day; I’m still scared to walk down the place it happened.  I was walking back from school with him one day and we were messing around, insulting one another, as friends do.  Then I said something, it wasn’t even anything that bad, but it angered him.  It angered him to the point that he shoved me in front of a moving lorry then laughed and said it was a shame it didn’t hit me.  I have a feeling some of you are wondering why I didn’t just ditch him as a friend then.  And honestly, I’m not sure why I didn’t.  I guess it was because I’d been friends with him for so long, and I couldn’t bear to lose that.

Then came the not-so-subtle digs at me as a person. Now, for context, I’m not the smartest most academic person in the world.  I get by in my lessons, but I’m not top of the class and I’m mostly just average.  I’m overall quite happy with where I rank in English, could possibly manage to scrape a pass in Maths, Science if I put in the effort I could potentially pass, and the others will hopefully all fall into place behind that.  However, at the time, I felt as though I wasn’t smart at all (which is totally crazy looking back at it because I was in either top set or second set for everything and I was mostly average).  I once confided with him that I felt as though I would never be smart enough to pass my GCSE’s and so he used that to his advantage.  He’d constantly “poke fun” of me about it to my friends, making me feel inferior, insecure and unintelligent.  He also knew one of my dream professions as a child – still is now to be fair – was to become a lawyer and help others.  However, anyone who has investigated that career path will know it’s an extremely hard job to get into, and my grades did not show the right potential at that time.  He’d make snide comments about how I’d never amount to anything, never get the grades to do what I wished to and even said that the only way I’d be able to go up in the world is by sleeping around.  It still shocks me he said things like that because the most “sexual” thing I’d done was hold hands with someone!  (Sorry Mum and Dad – what can I say, I was a catch!)  It made me feel disgusted, self-conscious and just all around horrible.

Then he somehow turned so much worse and controlled me as though I was a puppet on a silver string.  He told me what I could and couldn’t wear because it could make me look like a “whore”, what I couldn’t do in public – small things such as walk around with other boys; it could only be him.  He decided who I could hang around with, when I could hang around with them.  Only now while I’m typing this can I see how horrific this was which baffles me.  He also put me down about the way I looked, my weight, my face, pretty much everything he said translated into “I’m not good enough” he said it so much that I began to believe him… And even therapy is struggling to change that.

His manipulative ways have affected me in ways I don’t even notice until concerned friends point them out to me.  I feel like I cannot say no to people, like even if I try, they just won’t listen as that is what happened with him.  If ever someone compliments me or is even a decent human being to me, I develop a crush on them very quickly – it’s honestly such an issue at this point it’s now a running joke between me and a good friend.  I guess it’s because I feel so deprived, so starved of love and confidence that anytime someone is nice I think they love me – this has been horrific because I’ve gotten into my fair share of toxic friendships/relationships which is crazy – I’m fifteen for crying out loud!  Finally, the worst effect of the manipulation is that I go through phases of refusing to speak to friends.  Anyone who knows me in real life will know all my closest friends are guys – with a few sporadically placed girls here and there.  Every so often, I get so paranoid they will turn out like him that I refuse to even look at my friends in the hallway.  Once this got so bad, I refused to speak to any of my friends for about a month and if they touched me, even accidentally, I’d have a panic attack.

I feel like this is quite a heavy topic and although it is, I do want to assure you there is a light at the end of the tunnel!  For me, I now have an amazing group of friends (a massive thanks to all my friends who have helped me through this and stuck by me – especially but not exclusively Thumper and my Big Bro.  You are both amazing, I love you and I doubt you’ll ever know how much you mean to me.)  I am now doing EMDR therapy which is quite effective – I will be explaining about all the ins and outs of it soon!

I’ve been asked by a friend of mine how to know if you’re being manipulated and, truth be told, I’m not sure.  All I can really say is look after yourself, if anyone makes you feel uncomfortable on more than one occasion, keep some distance and stay wary.  My friends are an extremely big help in this aspect, and they can normally see the red flags before I can so if you do get worried, speak to someone you trust about it.  Most of all though, no matter how long you’ve known them for, people change – and not always fore the better.  That’s one of the main ways he was able to manipulate and take advantage of me, I’d known him for so long!

Thank you so much for reading this.  My last post on sexual assault has gotten 110 views currently and I couldn’t be happier.  I finally feel like I am making a difference thanks to all of you!  So, thank you so much for taking the time to read an “angsty teenagers” blog, I feel as though I have a platform which I can – and will – use to my advantage.  This is the one thing in my life I feel as though I can control so it means tonnes you are all reading this!

I love you all so much, stay safe and remember:

“You can change the world when you change your mind”

Kinky Boots the Musical

xo baby, Tati xoxo

Girl Love

Tina Fey once said “You have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores” and that’s one of my mantras in life. Girls are always so well known for being two-faced, shady and just plain mean – even my Mum has said to me since I was younger that people are mean, but girls can be the worst. I’m not here to tell you to love all and Hakuna Matata your way through all your issues but I am here to try get you to love and support your peers.

With everything going on in the media in the past years, with the #MeToo movement and the abortion laws changing across the world to name a few, us girls should stick together now more than ever. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. I’ve had my fair share of girlfriends who’ve left me in my times of need, called me an “attention seeker” when they learnt I was depressed, said I was “asking for it” behind my back when I said to them about how I’ve been sexually assulted by someone. I just want to make it clear: as horrible as what they’re saying is, you are strong, beautiful and powerful and you can change the world. These girls are idiotic and it’s clear there is nothing going on in their sad little lives so they decide to take it out on you. That doesn’t make it any less horrible or mean and that won’t change how you feel about them, but time can heal these wounds.

I’m not saying we should love the people who screwed you over in life just because they’re females – at the end of the day they did screw you over. What I am saying though, is you shouldn’t spread gossip about someone just because you’ve fallen out with them, it’s totally unneeded and rude. However, I do want to encorage girl love: give compliments to other girls, tell them what you think, bring them up not down. If a girl seems upset, go speak to her and try help, you never know, you could make a new friend. If you hear gossip or anything mean about someone that’s painfully untrue – call the people who are talking about it out! Tell them what they’re spouting is total rubbish and totally unneeded. These are just a few ideas but you’re all imaginative and unique so I’m sure you have other plans on how to show girl love.

Just remember, you are strong, you are brave and you can rise above it all. Go out there and kick ass, take the high road, it’ll look better on you in the long run and it won’t impact your mental health as negatively – more details about what negatively impacts your mental health soon!

xo baby,

Tati xx