two years ago i experienced some of the toughest weeks i have ever faced. i have been very open about my experiences but it was so insanely tough, i am still very shocked i am here, albeit with bruises, scars and memories which may never fade.
since then, i have improved a lot. i am far more open about how i am feeling and i have finally put a definitive end to my self destructive nature, quitting the toxicity for good.
it’s been a long two years, but it’s safe to say i’m getting to the other side now.
i may hate my scars which will never heal, as they remind me of the times others had such a strong hold on me.
i may hate looking at my own reflection, never feeling satisfied with the way i look, making me feel inadequate and unworthy of all this love.
i may hate the fact my mind tries to convince me that the only way to ever stop feeling like this is to stop existing, despite knowing it’s untrue.
i may hate the fact i can never fully relax, always feeling wary and scared of others.
i may hate what i’ve done in the past, never feeling able to fully forgive myself for my actions.
i may hate all of these insecurities…
but that’s ok.
because i am so much stronger now, maybe not physically, but mentally i am wonder woman.
and soon you will be too.
i never believed others when they claimed
“this too shall pass.”
convincing myself they were just making it up, simply to make me feel better.
Finally, we’re having the discussion I’ve been trying to start for years now, it’s just a shame that an innocent woman had to die in order for this to begin. I want to start by giving a disclaimer that this article will have strong language, talk about mature themes such as sexual assault and rape, and it’s just generally not suitable for younger audiences or people who get distressed when reading the topics, I will be bringing up. Your safety is the most important thing. I also want to say that I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone, I am simply here to explain what is going on and so are those I spoke to.
About a week after the discussion of women’s safety became extremely present on mainstream media, I knew I had to talk about it
What’s going on at the moment, how it’s affecting people, I speak about this so much, I decided to get more people to talk about it and include my input to the situation. However, I soon realised, I have done this sort of thing a lot. Some examples can be seen here, hereand here. Since I write about this so much, I decided to ✨spice things up✨ and I asked a favour from some of my friends.
I wrote up different questions in a questionnaire and I got them to answer them honestly, and I’ve put them all here!
To make this a fair test, I didn’t give them any of my input before or during them answering the questions, made each of the questions the same, and told them it would be totally confidential.
For certain answers I have received, I may crop or leave out/slightly edit some questions. Not the overall message, I’m just going to ensure they are not too long or reiterate similar things which have already been stated.
I asked seventeen different people, and I have changed their names to protect their identities. I just want to say a huge thank you to those who did this for me, it means so much and I am so grateful to know people as incredible as you guys, especially considering I don’t always speak to you all that frequently.
The sixteen people I have chosen are essentially the future. They are 16-17 year olds, we all went to the same secondary school and now all attend college/sixth form. I know this isn’t a diverse mix, but this doesn’t make what they say any less important. The lovely people who helped me are:
James, 17, male
Daniel, 17, male
Elizabeth, 16, female
Andrew, 16, male
Teresa, 17, female
Jason, 17, male
Ryan, 17, male
Betty, 16, female
Amelia, 16, female
Jeffree, 17, male
Ana, 17, female
Brent, 16, male
Harper, 16, female
Now, after that extremely long introduction, here is the Q&A I had with those sixteen people ❤
Do you feel safe walking alone?
James – Yes
Daniel – I do for the most part. If it’s late and I’m on my own I feel a bit sketched out. Generally, I’m always cautious but I’m not scared.
Eliza – Not really, but I guess it would differ depending on the situation.
Avis – When I am with a group of people especially guy friends, I do feel safe but, when I am alone, I don’t always feel safe.
Bailey – No strong answer, as I don’t walk alone very much.
Andrew – Depends – usually on time and area.
Teresa – No
Jason – No
Ryan – I feel safe walking home by myself most of the time but not late at night
Betty – No
Amelia – No, especially not at night.
Jeffree – Yes
Ana – no, not at all
Harper – no I don’t feel safe when walking alone, especially at night
Brent – I don’t feel unsafe unless it is dark. [still wary though]
Do you worry about the safety of the women you care about?
James – I do
Daniel – Absolutely. I always worry about them
Eliza – I do yes
Avis –Definitely. When walking home from school or after hanging out with friends and having to go separate ways home I [think] I should probably walk my female friends all the way home just in case something happens. Which is horrible that I actually have to think about that.
Bailey – I do worry about them.
Andrew – Yes. It’s a scary place for women with creepy men catcalling and things.
George – yes
Teresa – yes
Jason – Yes
Ryan – I absolutely care about the safety of the women I care about.
Betty – yes
Amelia – Yes definitely
Jeffree – Of course
Ana – yes, a lot
Harper – I worry about pretty much any other women I know
Brent – yes
What do you think the government can do to ensure this gets better?
James – Spread more awareness about the subject as well as providing more in-depth information to young women and men about their safety.
Daniel – I think that there could be more foot police patrols around high-risk areas like alleys or secluded paths. But other than that, it comes down to people to not be pieces of shit.
Eliza – I don’t think it’s something that the government can fix. I also feel like a lot of the ideas that females would come up with, many men would feel are sexist.
Avis – Maybe if we can start trying to enforce this idea of “No means no” at schools earlier on things could change. We also need to get rid of this idea of “boys will be boys” and “she asked for it”. There are just so many toxic ideologies embedded into society from a young age.
Bailey – Rather than focusing everything on the female population, they should be finding a balance of resources, education and information for both women and men as to how they should be acting in situations such as these. And I honestly feel like the government need to be more open in discussions because they don’t seem to be as bothered with protecting women
Andrew – Maybe better lighting in the streets at night? And/or harsher sentences as a deterrent. If you rape someone and only get five years, that is an unfair sentence as the woman is affected for life
Teresa – Teach children better. Make sure people know the importance of consent, not only consent but enthusiastic consent and that anything less than yes means you should step away. Teach the importance of supporting people after going through that kind of experience.
Jason – I think they can and should put an emphasis on the safety and protection of women who are victims of assault of any kind, and they should try to keep an up-to-date list of people who have been reported for offences, and they should always talk to the parent of a young offender no matter what the offence.
Ryan – I believe more education is required and societal norms need to be shifted.
Amelia – I’m not particularly sure about what they can do because they can’t control the actions of each individual person.
Jeffree – I don’t believe the government can do anything.
Ana – Make it legal for women to carry some sort of self-defence.
Harper – they need to work harder to educate boys on the issue and make me of an effort to prosecute for rapists and assaulters cause too many get away freely
Brent – honestly believe there is very little that the government could do that would help the issue. I think that feeling on edge and cautious is a good thing as it means you know when to keep yourself safe but when it comes to feeling in danger the only real thing that could solve that is stopping the people that cause this feeling.
Do you think women should have to go to any more safety precautions?
James – I don’t think women should have to in the first place
Daniel – women shouldn’t have to worry at all no matter what they’re doing or what they wear but the unfortunate reality is that some people make that impossible
Eliza – I don’t think that it is fair that females have to more careful when walking around in their own neighbourhood than what men have to.
Avis – I mean, there’s already so many different “precautions” women have to go through, I hope there isn’t more.
Bailey – Unfortunately, for women to be able to stay safe alone, they may have to which is really sad.
Andrew – I don’t think women should have to because they should feel as safe as a man should. But during this time, it’s a good idea to take precautions such as rape alarms and things.
Teresa – Women are already doing enough, more than we should.
Jason – No, I don’t and I feel as If they take too many already. They should never have to feel as unsafe as they do, and women should be able to feel as if they can leave the house without fear of being assaulted.
Ryan – I believe they should go to a level they feel comfortable with doing but it is disgusting that they should have to take any precautions in the first place
Betty – They need to, but they shouldn’t have to
Amelia – Women already do everything that they can to keep themselves safe and recent events have proven that even that is apparently not enough. At this point the issue is not women not doing enough protect themselves, it’s the men (obvs not all) that feel that they are entitled to women’s bodies.
Jeffree – I feel they should have something to protect themselves if they are walking alone
Ana – Yes, they should be able to carry some sort of protection just in case.
Harper – I don’t think it should be a women’s responsibility to put in any more effort than they already do
Brent – If the woman feels unsafe it isn’t their fault. I think that only men can really change this.
What can men do when walking to make women feel safer?
James – I don’t know what men could do to make women feel safer while walking, since the same would apply to women and what they could do to make some men feel safer while walking
Daniel – keep their distance, cross the road, go on the phone or just straight up go another way if it’s late and the woman is clearly nervous. I always feel so bad walking close to women on the street because I can tell they’re on edge and it is just so sad how our society is like that.
Avis – Although this goes out to women as well, if they see a woman being harassed on the street or looking very uncomfortable while talking to someone, going over and calmly helping the woman away from the situation, like pretending to be a friend and asking where they’ve been or something like that, could really save a life.
Bailey – I think for men, they really need to give up the whole macho thing. Sometimes trying to be all big and strong and protective of women doesn’t always get the right results we need and instead only makes people see women as weak
Andrew – Tough situation, similar to being a teenage boy, smile and wave politely, carry on with your day seems to calm people down and helps make people happy
Teresa – Cross the road, call a friend. Or at least not get annoyed when we do things to protect ourselves if they won’t.
Jason – Men can cross the road, or call someone, or should attempt to get ahead of women so they can feel safer.
Ryan – Men can keep the eyes and thoughts to themselves not everyone is there for you talk to complete what you’re doing without disrupting others also if you’re continually going in the same directions as someone change your route, so they feel safer
Amelia – Walk female friends’ home if it’s dark or dusk, cross the street/don’t get near to a woman you don’t know when they’re walking alone, please don’t catcall
Jeffree – Protect them making them feel safer
Ana – If their friends with the women just walk them home, but if their a strange cross the road and walk on the other side or walk slowly so they’re not close to the women.
Harper – educating themselves is a big one, and standing up for girls if they notice something bad happening, calling out their mates if they say something like make a joke, and making efforts to look unthreatening when walking near a girl, or like crossing the road or something
Brent – try to make sure you aren’t walking behind a woman. if you are then cross over to the other side of the road. or if this isn’t possible stop for a while to make good distance between you.
What are your thoughts on changing the curriculum in order to try avoiding these issues?
James – More information on the subject to educate men and women about their safety and ways to know when a situation could pose threat
Daniel – 100% schools should teach the subject just like they teach anything else. Don’t avoid the subject! People should learn how to behave.
Eliza – I think that during younger teenage years such as year 7 to 11 could have a topic about sexual crime would help to educate young people about the world that we live in and how we can avoid incidents
Avis – should be introduced taught about “no means no” and issues around it but maybe said in a more positive-reinforced setting and sprinkling the teaching of these kind attitudes throughout multiple lessons so it becomes the normal for the children?
Bailey – I think everyone needs to be educated in these types of topics. Because past generations were never opening about these types of things it’s left our generation to speak up about it and make changes so that we won’t have to see this again in the future
Andrew – Great idea, ensure consent is not “just a box ticking exercise”, it needs to be something important.
Teresa – I completely agree the curriculum should be changed. The argument that young people shouldn’t have sex and so shouldn’t be taught about those things is stupid. People will have sex at any age, and no one can stop them, they should just know the importance of consent and safety. And it’s not like when we get older the teachings around it changes.
Jason – We should change the curriculum, so consent and sexual assault is more important than it already is.
Ryan – I believe curriculum particularly in younger education needs drastic changes. The first years of education the focus should be upon behaving as any decent person should
Betty – I think they should change it to better educate girls and boys about the reality of the world
Amelia – I think that schools should educate students more on these issues because it’s a very real and relevant problem.
Jeffree – something needs to change for people to feel safe
Ana – They could spend more time explaining it and showing documentaries.
Harper – I think they need to change the curriculum, education kids from a young age will help engrave it in their minds that this stuff is not okay
Brent – I think it is extremely important that schools educate us better on these issues.
What about false conviction rates? Fake rape claims? How do we avoid these miscarriages of justice?
James – I believe there are many women and men that will use fake rape claims to get what they want in selective situations; I believe the only way to ensure the avoidance of such claims would be by intensive investigation on both parties to understand the exact situation that took place
Daniel – The amount of fake rape claims is tiny in comparison to actual rape claims or rape that never goes reported. I think people who make fake rape claims, male or female, should be punished but it is by no means reason to Besmirch someone else’s claim.
Avis – Although it’s a very small percentage compared to true convictions, it is still a big issue and one used to put down women who have been raped so that the rapists get off easy. I have no idea what can be done of this issue, but I hope we can find one soon.
Bailey – I have a specific thing to say about false accusations and claims and it’s tied with how, despite things are now being talked about, stigma is still around and there’s now the romanticisation of [these] serious concepts which makes it incredibly difficult to gain the right balance
Andrew – It’s hard to prove without evidence, for both sides, the only way is DNA and witnesses. False convictions happen less often than rape cases being ignored, but you cannot always instantly believe women because it could ruin a man’s life, but you can’t believe the man as that could ruin the life of the woman. I don’t know what to do.
Jason – I am aware that it is something that happens. I feel like these should be made aware of.
Ryan – There are already laws in place for such things if it’s clear that the accusation is made up, prosecution for deformation of character and filing a false police report should take place but more emphasis on believing the accused more methods should really be placed into preventing rape and femicides than preventing a smaller issue crime. If those two can be resolved I am sure the fake accusations would be more clear
Betty – people should be prosecuted for fake claims
Amelia – This is a difficult question because you get caught up between victim blaming and “innocent until proven guilty” and protecting the public. In certain cases where evidence is lacking, proving/disproving cases can be difficult. I don’t know how this issue can be overcome.
Jeffree – feel if someone files a false rape claim they should get the same punishment as what the falsely convicted [would have] due to them ruining their lives.
Brent – there is very little that can be done to prevent them without causing controversy over the fact that the rape claim could be true.
Do you think that tea video helps? What else could we do?
for reference, this is the videoI am talking about:
James – it touches on the subject in a very joking manner, it would make more of a difference if it was presented in a very serious tone as well as [providing] information about the consequences of their actions
Daniel – it really is not serious. If you’re trying to teach kids something important, teach it to them seriously. Consent is such an important topic.
Eliza – Although it has stuck in a lot of people’s heads after seeing it, of those people a lot have clowned that video thinking it is all just a joke.
Avis – I believe it set out with the right idea, it slowly has become more of a joke than a video educating young people on a serious issue.
Bailey – It has a meaning but if people are going to be anything like us, they won’t take it seriously
Andrew – The tea video is a good illustration, but kids look at it and don’t see the underlying message. At the ages of 10-14 it could help, but above then, it won’t help at all and could be detrimental.
Teresa – The tea video is awful. It is a joke in schools, and it takes away from the incredibly important subject. We should not be making jokes around the importance of this teaching. We should teach it in a way that doesn’t shy away from the message, regardless of the age.
Jason – I do not think that the tea video helps at all because in schools it is just a joke, and it needs to be addressed more seriously.
Ryan – The tea video is awful it is not specific enough it euphemises a topic of high importance the point must be clear of the severity and the unforgivable nature of the crime. Greater sex education is required perhaps at a younger age particularly about sexual assault harassment and rape and the clear definitions of what they are as many young impressionable people may not have been aware that they have been taken advantage of
Betty – I think there needs to be more open and more frequent conversations and demonstrations about it for everyone
Harper – the tea video is confusing, especially to younger kids and makes it seem too much like a fun quirky little thing when it’s a serious issue, when they can show us scary videos for things like road safety but not rape you can tell there’s an issue. they need both hard-hitting videos and proper education on the topic, not some funny little YouTube video that they just ignore
Brent – While it is useful for getting the message across and is a national thing that everyone understands and remembers, it turns the issue into a joke.
What do you think about the hashtag not all men?
James – I agree as I know that a lot of men are very against any of these actions
Daniel – clearly not all men harass or rape, but the fact still remains that any man can be intimidating. Even I could be considered intimidating, so I know I need to keep that in mind.
Eliza – I believe that it is correct. Not all men would mistreat women like some do however, because of the small amount that do, women are led to believe that all men are the same. Which in my opinion isn’t right?
Avis –I think all its doing is drowning out the women and the men who are talking about issues involving horrible men.
Bailey – I understand that not all men fit under the categories but the number of men who are involved is just too much and has become a sign of how toxic it is
Andrew – It’s factually correct, but equally, if that leads to a woman trusting all men and end up having negative experience with them, this will be detrimental in the long run
George– it’s very true
Teresa – Yes, it isn’t all men, but it’s enough men and I believe that the men who say “it’s not all men” are the ones most likely to be misogynistic or have the ability to sexually assault as they wouldn’t feel the need to disagree if they weren’t insecure about their actions or thoughts towards women.
Jason – I understand that it isn’t All men, but the men and women who use it tend to be aggressive and seem to be part of the reason why the hate crimes exist. But I would like for the message to be given how it isn’t all men. Some look out for women, and they also want to protect those they care about.
Ryan – I think the hashtag not all men is stupid, shifting the conversation into a direction it doesn’t need to take in the first place it shows how little the majority of men care. they only begin to care when it harms their reputation. There is a distinct lack of empathy and lack of will to do what is right and the conversation must remain at the focal point of the problem preventing future generations from suffering.
Betty – I think it’s a fair point to make but it’s being overused and not always helping
Amelia – Obviously not all men are like this. We know that. The issue is that it’s ENOUGH men that it’s a serious problem. The problem is that we don’t know WHICH men and therefore feel a degree of uncertainty and fear around them all.
Harper – everyone knows the situation is not all men, no one thinks every man is a rapist or sexual assaulter, but statistically it’s enough to be scared, people are afraid of dying in a car accident, but not all cars are going to crash, and as a woman you’re more likely to die at the hands of a man then a car, so I think it’s perfectly justified to protect yourself, cause these bad men prey on the naive and vulnerable.
Brent – I think that the meaning behind the hashtag is correct in the sense that it isn’t all men but the fact that people feel the need to bring it up almost shows guilt. it shows that they care more about their reputation than the safety of women and that is disgusting.
What are your thoughts on victim blaming?
James – I don’t agree with blaming the victim for the actions that took place
Daniel – people who victim blame are just straight up pieces of shit. Nothing, *nothing* could possibly make the victim at fault. “They were wearing a short skirt” and? They don’t dress for you. Fuck right off.
Eliza – In my opinion, the process of victim blaming is fucked. The statement of ’she is asking for it’ makes me sick to my stomach as thinking about a woman as an object because she is wearing certain clothing.
Avis – Victim blaming is horrible. Someone has gone through something absolutely mortifying and people have the audacity blame them for what happened to them. All I can think about is “Haven’t they gone through enough?”
Andrew – Very simply, it’s one of the things which lead to court cases being dropped. No woman is wearing a skirt with the intention to get raped that night. She could be wearing a mini bikini with the Pornhub logo on, you do not touch that woman unless she explicitly says it’s okay.
Teresa – Victim blaming is awful. No one would ask for the trauma and PTSD that those actions lead to. No one would ask for the judgment received after people find out. No one would ask for that feeling of helplessness and disgust. Victims often blame themselves after going through that, why should you add to that.
Jason – What happens cannot be excused, and you should never blame the victim for what happened. People should be able to wear whatever they want and not be told that their outfit choice makes them a victim.
Ryan – Victim Blaming is fucking disgusting. You wouldn’t blame the seller at a store if an armed robbery takes place, it’s no different from any other crime. support is what’s required after a crime.
Betty – it’s awful in any circumstance
Amelia – Blaming women is absolutely ridiculous. The only people that can be blamed for rape are rapists.
Jeffree – Stupid, no one asks for it it’s stupid how people think people can ask for it
Ana – It’s terrible because it makes the victim feel worse about the subject and like they aren’t valid.
Harper – it’s never the victim’s fault, ever, this is a traumatic event they’ve been through and to belittle that in any way it’s such an awful thing to do
Brent – victim blaming is disgusting- the person that commits the crime is the only one at fault
Do you think it’s in the best interest of the woman to report the assault or not? Why?
James – Yes, I do so the person in question is delt with, assuming the report for assault was genuine
Daniel – I personally think women should report their assault but I know it isn’t that easy. I think their claims should be acknowledged, respected, taken extremely seriously and investigated and the assaulter should be punished severely. Whatever makes them the most comfortable is what’s best for them.
Eliza – Certain women that have experienced sexual assault don’t feel comfortable to share with loved ones, family or friends, let alone the police.
Avis – Although as a society we are getting “better”, I still believe it’s really unsafe for women to talk about these things and come out about them. There will always be a person telling them it’s their own fault or giving them grief about the situation. It sucks. However, there are a lot of people out there now to help women and back them up. So maybe a better world isn’t so far away?
Bailey – It would be but again, people think they’re fake or just brush off it off so I don’t think it would always work
Andrew – It depends, in an ideal world, all rapes would get reported, all crimes would be convicted, but sadly that’s not how the world works. If you have enough evidence, go for it 100%, if not just for you then do it for others. If you think it will harm your mental health, then don’t do it. It sometimes ends up with guys thinking they can get away with it, but you should to anything you can to try ensuring that you get justice.
Teresa – It often depends on the situation.
Jason – I think that women should know that they can report it and have something come of it, but with the way it is handled currently, reporting it to the authorities is something that is entirely up to them. It needs to be addressed differently because not enough comes of it.
Ryan – I wish it was in the best interest of a woman to report an assault but often can lead to far greater backlash. But I personally think the first step toward changes in action for every voice that speaks out another may gain the confidence to do so and the clear increase in reports will require change from the police and greater intervention and prevention would take place as a result
Betty – if women reported it as much as it happens then it will open a lot of people’s eyes and help to progress a more efficient way of prosecuting and maybe even preventing
Amelia – you would also be protecting other women by having dangerous people taken off of the streets. However, going through the process of police interviews and trials and experiencing almost a guaranteed degree of victim blaming would be incredibly taxing on one’s mental health, having to relive awful experiences would be terribly traumatic.
Jeffree – I would rather they report it because they could get more assistance, but I don’t know about how much assistance there is for victims
Ana – I think it depends on the woman feels, if she feels that she can deal with reporting it or not.
Harper – as things are currently, i think it’s always the best idea to report, but that doesn’t mean it’s at the women’s best interest.
Brent – whether it be reporting it or telling someone you trust i think it will often be in their best interest not to keep it to themselves. while reporting it has a large chance of not resulting in any convictions, not reporting means there is no chance at all for justice.
Is there anything else at all you want to add?
Daniel – people should just behave with basic decency. It’s really not hard. People who do assault or rape are lowlifes who can’t be bothered to stop and think. They have no empathy and I barely consider them people to be honest.
Eliza – just a bit of advice… From a personal experience I have had, do whatever you want to do with the information that you have. Whether that is reporting it to the police, keeping it between you and your friends or telling no one. Don’t feel like you are obligated to tell anyone whatever the situation.
Avis – To conclude everything I have said, the world sucks, if time, but maybe there’s hope for us yet?
Andrew – To any guys with female friends out there: try being with them as much as possible, not because men need to protect women but because it’s far less likely and no one will hurt them or try anything. If you’re considering it: think about it as if it was your daughter, sister, or mother that this was happening to and if you’re a girl, support other girls, don’t gang up on them. And the educate your sons movement is a great idea – something which my opinion has changed on over the past month.
Teresa – The issue will continue unless someone does something. Whether it’s changing the curriculum to teach the impacts that actions can have or changing the process for convictions. No matter what it is, something needs to be changed.
Jeffree – More support is needed to make people more comfortable coming forward with confidence to report an issue instead of hiding it from people
Harper – I just want to say I hope people don’t let this be another trend that dies out in a week cause it’s not popular to talk about it anymore, because that happens too much
What questions do you have? Who for?
Daniel – what can I do as a man to make women as stress free as possible whilst going about my day-to-day life?
Andrew – For most guys: how hard is it to be a decent human being? That’s more rhetorical but, it counts.
Teresa – for any person who has ever raped or assaulted anyone. Why? What compelled you to put a person through that?
Harper – to men who say not all men, why are you so desperate to make yourself seem so good? cause to most women it makes you seem way worse than better.
Brent – I would love to know how women feel, I have had conversations with family members about their opinions and they are as expected but a range of views would be interesting.
First of all, thank you again to everyone who helped me to write that. I know that it wasn’t easy for all of you, but you all did it and it really means so much and it was interesting to hear everyone’s take on this issue.
Thank you so much for reading this incredibly long article, I really hope that it has opened your eyes and that this is a topic which will continue to be spoken about until change finally happens permanently. Similar to the BLM movement, how many more innocent people have to die until we realise we need to make a change? Hopefully no more, but until that day comes, I’ll be here shouting from the rooftops until I go hoarse.
This is one of the hardest articles I have ever had to write, but I honestly feel so much better now that I have done it. I’ve also put so much work into it, even if it doesn’t seem like it, but thank you so much for reading. Please comment your opinions because I would really love to hear them.
Stay safe, stay kind, viva le resistance baby!! (we’re bringing that back), I love you all,
…because I didn’t think I could get controversial enough…
just your regular feminist killjoy here spouting her unpopular opinions! please let me know if you agree with any of them, or even have any of your own! it’ll make me feel less lonely 🙂
Actions speak louder than words. Kindness should be shown, not spoken about.
All lives matter. No debate, no arguments, they all matter.
Accept existenceor expect resistance. No wonder there were so many BLM protests this year, people finally found their voice!
Bisexuals are just as valid as lesbians, gays, straights and queers. No more of this “it’s not a real thing” crap, accept them!
“Bitch” is just another word to describe a passionate woman.
C*nt is a word we give way too much power too. At the end of the day, it’s just a word! No word should have this much control over people who gave it meaning.
Don’t be afraid of saying no. Look after yourself, you are your number one priority. If people get pissed, they don’t deserve you.
Dedication and determination are sometimes all you need. if you feel passionate enough about something, you can almost definitely make it happen because you are determined and dedicated.
Everybody has their baggage, but you grow, improve and better yourself through time.
Forgive but never forget! It’s fine to be forgiving, but still be wary of what they’ve done in the past, no matter how much they claim to have changed.
Gratitude is such a small thing but it means so much. Just be grateful once in a while, it helps put things into perspective.
Get out there! Try new things! Leave the house! You can do it!
Help is an okay thing to ask for, no matter the circumstance. No one will think less of you, and they may even respect you more!
If someone chooses sex work as a career path, that is completelyfine! As long as they are over the age of consent, it’s legal, and are happy to do this, it’s totally fine and they should not under any circumstance be shamed for this!
Just don’t be a dick. That’s all, just don’t.
Killing people is wrong, romanticising those who kill is also wrong. They give the true crime community a bad name and one of my favourite Youtuber’s Eleanor Neale made a video about one of the romanticised serial killers on Tik Tok currently and she covers some very important points about this. I’ll link that video here.
Love is something everyone needs a bit more of in their lives. No matter who, where, or why, the whole world needs more love. Spread it like peanut butter!!
Mansplaining/Manspreading aren’t real things… Mansplaining is just people being patronising, something women are pretty good at! And manspreading… as my male mates say and I blindly agree with them to get them to shut up about their genitals: “It’s like a biological thing innit?” “…you gotta let em breatheeeee…” “it gets super uncomfortable, they get squished!” That’s far more info than you needed, but if I have to suffer, so do you!
Nomatter what a piece of shityou are, you still deserve to be referred to as your desired gender. It’s basic human decency and it’s only fair.
Opportunistic > Optimistic. It’s all well and good to go through life hoping everything will be alright in the end, but if you’re opportunist, then you go out of your way to make everything alright, no matter what life throws at you.
People are good deep down! Being bad, in my opinion, is a choice, albeit a subconscious one, but you can change for the better.
Questioning things and being curious is fine, just make sure to be respectful.
Refugees not racists. That’s all, thank you.
Stay strong, as hard as it may feel at times, you can do it, I believe in you.
Study hard, learn hard, do good
There’s no point in complainingabout something which you could have done something about. Don’t sit and complain, take action and move forwards.
Unite and we can do anything! This has been seen time and time again in history so…
“Virgin” is such a strange insult which really shouldn’t be a thing. Same with slut! It’s just weird sex-life-obsessed insults which are just super strange.
Women are not responsible for men’s shitty actions. And the defiantly don’t deserve being held accountable, for things which aren’t their fault.
“xtreme” sports seem kinda stupid and pointless. I get adrenaline is meant to be really cool but what’s the point? Please, someone explain!
Y’all can wear whateveryou want! If you feel good in it and it isn’t offensive in any way, you go out and be fabulous!!
Your happiness and well-being should be your own number one priority! As they say on aeroplanes, in case of emergency, sort yourself out first. This shouldn’t just apply to air travel, it works perfectly for everyday life too!
Zeus is kinda a dick in Greek mythology. Some of the god’s and goddesses were super cool and I love Greek mythology loads, it’s super interesting but I have no time for Zeus. He’s just a dick!
I like to count my blessings at this time of year, because I’m lucky for a lot of things and grateful for everything in my life, as rubbish as it feels at times. If you read my 2019 thankyou, then any of my other posts, you’ll know that a lot has changed this year. From the obvious, to the slightly more personal which I still don’t really feel comfortable talking about yet, a lot has happened. As shit as it’s been, I stand by the fact that I am a bloody warrior. But, even though I’m strong, even strong warriors need help at times. And this article is just to simply say thank you to those who raise me up whenever I need it. I’m 5″6 regularly, but when I’m with this lot, I swear I could be 10 feet tall. So, here’s my annual gratitude post! Love you all, Tati.
First and foremost, the person who I care about more than anyone else, my little baby brother. He’s not exactly a baby, he’s 10, but he will forever be my baby. This year has been hard on him too, and he deserves more credit than I give him. He’s super duper active so staying inside has been a pain in the ass for him. But, he’s overcome it alongside me, through Just Dance, Beetlejuice and just starting every day on the right side of bed, he’s my little hero. He’s got a wicked sense of humour too – I’m proud to say he gets it from me! (my parents on the other hand… not as proud when he comes out with a slightly dark joke… sorry guys…!)
Second up, my saving grace throughout lockdown: my friends. These little shits were my rocks and my word what great rocks they were! We hung out almost everyday in the summer (you know who you are), we called everyday from March to May, and some of you, sixth form has made us super duper close, as much as you hate to admit it! All my friends are the sweetest, most supportive people I have ever known. They are all so funny, caring and fiercely loyal. I can’t get over how lucky I am that so many of them live close by and I can just pop over whenever I want to! All of you are perfect and you made me see that before I can let anyone else into my life romantically, I need to let myself in first. Even though it took each of them a lot of yelling, hinting, and just general “DUDE GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER!”-ing, I finally listened to them and I can happily say my mental health is the best it’s ever been, from eating regularly and (relatively) healthily, to avoiding self-destructive habits which clouded my judgement almost all the time, to just accepting the fact that in myself, I am a decent person who just wants to get better even though I mess up at times. Through their love and encouragement, I’ve successfully managed to let myself into my own life, thinking about what I need, being selfish to protect myself, and even let in someone else without destroying my self-worth!
That’s a smooth transition into the next person I want to thank: my boyfriend. He’s the stupidest, smartest person I have ever met and I love it. He always cheers me up without even realising and he puts up with all of my crazy ways, just like how I put up with his. He’s driven and ready for life, so we both get on like too hyper-active peas in a pod. Plus, I’ve known him since year seven, we may have not properly spoken until late year eleven, but it’s all worked out in my favour, because I feel like I finally have a chance of a good relationship which is super duper exciting for me. He’s a good egg 🙂
A slightly more lighthearted one before I get deep and meaningful again, Miss Taylor Swift! I talk about her a hell of a lot, and that’s what you need to expect here, this blog is 50% my life and the other 50% a Swift fanpage. I feel she saved 2020 with her releases of not one but two albums: Folklore and Evermore! Taylor Swift is the perfect being, change my mind.
Okay, now my Tay-Tay moment is over, I want to say thank you to my parents! Since lockdown started, my Mum and I have slowly begun to turn into the same person, and I’m honestly not mad about it! She’s the one woman I look up to more than Taylor Swift in my life and I love her to bits. Of course, I can’t be grateful for my Mum without mentioning the other 50% of my DNA – my Dad! I won’t lie, it’s been a rocky road this year, but I’m proud to say we’ve come out better and stronger than ever! From sing-alongs (or just ruining songs), to coming up with strange catchphrases, to a strange chaotic trip to IKEA, my Dad and I are now extremely close! I love him and he gives the best hugs ever. No debate.
Next on both the family tree and the thank you list, my Grandparents! This lockdown has definitely been the toughest for them, but they seldom complain! From helping me with blog articles, to our weekly family quiz, to them all sending me chaotic memes with both make me laugh and concern me largely, I love them to bits! It’s been hard not getting to see them, but if it keeps them safe, I am happy to continue to run away screaming when my Grandad comes up to me (true story – I’m so sorry Grandad!!)
Finally, a slightly more unexpected one: the – to be quite frank – the dickheads of my 2020. Even though you were each total shit bags (and they were big shit bags), you have each been a part of my character development so cheers. You’ve turned me into who I am now, and I kind of love it so I’m embracing you and putting you out of my mind forever and always, you’re welcome.
That’s all! Slightly different than last years, but I do love this mini tradition! If you celebrate it, I hope you have a lovely Christmas, if not have an amazing December!
Today I need to write about something I feel very strongly about. Of course, as I am a big activist and feminist, I have lots of topics to choose from, but the first one that came to mind was the problem with victim blaming and rape culture. Throughout this article, I am going to be explaining what problems our society has with victim blaming, going into my own and others stories of why we don’t speak out, and why there’s so much stigma around being sexually assaulted. This is quite a heavy-hitting topic so a trigger warning for anyone who is sensitive towards sexual abuse and the topic as a whole. Stay safe, I love you all, and let’s raise awareness about our shitty society! This article took me a super long time, researching, putting all my thoughts into words and making those words actually make sense. This is probably one of my favourite blog articles because I’m so proud of it so please let me know if you prefer articles like this which are more structured and informative 🙂
What Is Victim Blaming and Why Is It Bad?
For anyone who doesn’t know, victim blaming is, quite simply, putting the blame of what happened onto the victim instead of the perpetrator. In the UK, only 15% of people who have been assaulted reported it to the police. There are many reasons why people don’t say anything and why the #MeToo movement was ground breaking as it showed that lots of people have suffered from abuse without speaking out. As you can see in the image above, those are some of the most common reasons that people are afraid to speak out. The world we life in presents such a stigma around being sexually assaulted, that rape culture and victim blaming is a common thing.
After my story was reported, I had lots of people ask me extremely personal questions, and try to put the blame on me. this is not ok. This promotes the fact we live in a society which sexualises people for what they wear, claiming that “if you wear a skirt that short, you are clearly asking for the attention” which is total bullshit. Wear whatever you want, do whatever you want, as I always say, as long as you’re not harming yourself or others in any way, go wild, do whatever you want. If it makes you happy, do it!! It’s despicable the amount of victims who haven’t been taken seriously because of what they were wearing, their alcohol intake at the time, and if they were flirting or not.
Some Photos To Think About:
The way we dress doesn’t mean yes!
Literally every single woman, ever.
Those Who Assault and Why Many People Don’t Come Forward
Unfortunately, being assaulted is something you have to constantly be cautious about. If you are a female, I’m pretty sure you’ll know the fear you get when you walk alone anywhere. If I even hear so much as a patter of footsteps, I completely freak out and my brain goes full panic mode. The most worrying fact is I’m no longer fazed by catcallers and people yelling out to me, it’s an occurrence I’ve being mostly desensitised to. In the recent years, people (mostly men) who have either yelled abuse, cat-called me or said/done something inappropriate to me – a minor – is staggeringly high. It’s gotten to such a bad stage that when my friends see something like that, they freak out in situations I just shrug off. I used to love walking alone, putting in my headphones, listening to Taylor Swift, feeling like I was in some sort of music video, but now my friends (bless their little overprotective hearts) always make sure I’m not walking alone, or that if I am, that I message them once I’m home. They like being there to protect me and, even though I’d never admit it to them, I feel a lot safer with them around.
However, in many ways, being catcalled by someone who you have never met before is so much better than being sexualised or made uncomfortable by someone you know. You know that society has a problem when I have to choose one of those to nightmarish situations as a “preference”. God our world is f*cked. Statistics show that 90% of victims knew the perpetrator prior to the abuse. (Leaving all links to my info at the bottom of this so you all know I didn’t pull these percentages out of thin air). This is one of the reasons that I didn’t report as I was afraid I would be seen as provoking him. That’s the problem with being abused by your childhood friend, no-one will believe you because you still act as if everything is fine and dandy because you’re just so desperate to go back to how things were, even though you know there is no hope of that ever happening.
After My Story Was Told – My Experiences
I remember the entire day that everything came out like it was yesterday. I’ve spoken about it multiple times now and if you’re new around here, welcome and you can check out all of that here. As you know, the case never got convicted, which is a very common occurrence. Conviction rates for rape and sexual abuse are so much lower than other cases, with only 5.7% reported rape cases ending in conviction. We can’t expect to be taken seriously when almost all cases are acquitted before they’re even opened.
Something else which my abuser did after he started abusing me is he claimed to be gay. God, the poor LGBTQ community, you get enough hate as it is. He claimed to be gay two months after the abuse began, and continued to be vocal about “how hard it is to be homosexual” – when he’s… ya know, not. I learnt something the other day when I was watching stand up comedy which honestly made me laugh so, so much. Now I’m writing this I’m still laughing because it makes me sick and I can’t deal with it any other way. I found out that Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein – two of the most notorious Hollywood sex offenders – decided they were now also gay because their lawyers were failing them. I have no issue with famous actors and actresses who are gay, but when they fake it so they can avoid sexual assault charges? Oh, sweetie, someone will be getting hurt and it’s not going to be me.
Why I’m Still Shouting This From The Rooftops – Statistics Which Make Me Shudder
A third of people believe women who flirt are partially responsible for being raped (Amnesty, 2005)
Approximately 85,000 women and 12,000 men (aged 16 – 59) experience rape, attempted rape or sexual assault by penetration in England and Wales alone every year; that’s roughly 11 of the most serious sexual offences (of adults alone) every hour.
Approximately 70 women commit suicide every day in the US following an act of sexual violence.
During 2019, 13% of all women in California were victims of rape.
A quarter of male victims of sexual assault were under 10 years of age.
Take This Away:
If you take anything at all away from this article please bare this image in mind…
Remember: It’s not your fault, it never was, you shouldn’t have to be held accountable for someone else’s actions.
Once more, the world is in a state of political unrest. Alongside the virus, there are protests happening worldwide supporting the Black Lives Matter movement. If, like me, you are unable to go out and protest, I can assure you there are ways you can support the movement. Hopefully, if we all continue to unite as we are currently, we can make this world a safe place for all – not just certain races. If you know anymore ideas or have any advice to give, please comment it. It’s about time we made some change around here and it is important that we are all as educated as possible on the matters at hand.
If you are unaware of the situation in America currently, there are protests taking place over the murder of George Floyd and the punishment of the policeman responsible for his death. These protests have begun to spread around the world and if you want to do something to show your support for the movement but are paranoid about leaving your house due to… other events, I have compiled a list of things you can do to help while staying safe and home.
Remember their names. As unfortunate and horrific as it is, George Floyd is not the first instance of police brutality to a person of colour. It is so important that we remember all those who have lost their lives simply because of the colour of their skin. It’s dumfounding how many victims there are, but it’s just all the more proof that this should have been changed a long time ago. We can’t change the past, but we can at least change the future.
Sign petitions. Change.org have so many petitions about this movement and it is a well trusted website which will – quite frankly – get shit done. It’s such a quick, simplistic way to make a difference and I assure you, you’ll feel so much better after you’ve done it. Sign up for updates and you can sign even more petitions.
Be respectful to all those around you and the victims friends and family. Such an important one. This is definitely not the time to start an all out race war. This is the time of political movement and change. This is not the time to claim all white people have a superiority complex or that all cops are racist. This just gets you no-where and you have no evidence for your facts. Don’t accuse someone of something they have not done. We need to learn to spread love and not hate, the sooner the better.
Educate yourselves. I understand that everyone has differing views on this whole protest and that’s okay, you just need to remember to learn and back up your points. If you have a differing view it’s important to educate and learn as much as you can about the situation before forming an opinion.
Buy from black-owned companies and support small businesses and avoid buying from companies just profiting of others struggle. Lots of big name brands are unfortunately using this time to profit off of the racism in the world. If you want to support, yet again educate yourself on which companies you should avoid. Buying and supporting from black owned companies is a step in the right direction towards acceptance and equality.
Call people out on their racist behaviour and educate them. Lots of people make jokes. That’s fine! However, some people cross the line and their “jokes” are plain offensive. It’s important that if you see a joke or comment that makes you uncomfortable, spread the word that what they’ve said or done isn’t acceptable.
Boycott racist companies and influencers. In this day in age lots of companies and people are being exposed for their racist ways. The only way we can show these people and companies that it’s not okay is by not buying or promoting their products until they change their ways.
Speak up and speak out If you have had a negative experience involving your race, get your story heard and share it. The more people who speak up, the better as it shows the government and those in charge that this is an actual problem.
Donate to charities and causes. Yet again you’ll need to do your research, but donating as little as £1 can go a long way and you can help change the future. If you are unable to donate, then share and spread the message to show we stand together.
Attending protests. I am aware this isn’t easy at all, but if you can, try your best to show up to show your support. Make sure you stay safe and healthy and go do your part.
This time isn’t easy for anyone. If we try spread support and love and raise awareness, hopefully our voices will be heard and the world will change for the better.
This is a time that will go down in history, you just need to stay safe and support others.
I like to pretend I am a very calm, chilled out type of person, but in reality… that’s not exactly true. I am very hot-headed and I speak without thinking a lot and I’m not one to keep my opinions to myself (as you can see by my entire blog). However, there are some types of people who really grind my gears, and I thought it would be very cathartic for me to talk about things that people do which rattle my ribcage. This is just me angrily typing at crazy-o’clock but I feel like as a population, we don’t speak about people like this enough or how toxic they can really be. Make sure to read to the end because I have big news!
Shirtless guys in public. I spoke about this to my friends merely the other day and we came to the following conclusion: unless you are on the beach or about to go swimming, keep it hidden! (I really wish we made something which rhymed.) In all seriousness though, no-one wants to see that, it makes everyone uncomfortable and there’s just no need as it won’t do anything to help you cool down and it definitely won’t prevent sun burn.
Two faced people, AKA Fakies. People are mean, there’s no way around it. However, when someone acts all nice to you then talks a bunch of crap behind your back, that’s when I have a problem with you. First of all, if you’re the one who’s getting spoken about, it’ll really mess with your self-confidence, make you develop trust issues in the future and it simply isn’t good. Even if you’re the person who is talking sh*t, no matter how much you think the person “deserves it”, it’ll make people question if they should be friends with you as you may do the same to them. It’s mean, unneeded and I can’t stand it.
People who self-diagnose themselves with mental health issues. I have never known someone who made my blood truly boil until I met someone like this. Since I first met one of these attention seekers, I have met a handful more and that is exactly what they are: a handful. They constantly go around claiming they have “depression” when it’s more than obvious they just feel sad. They make people with mental health super uncomfortable and give a bad name to the mental health community overall. One of the main reasons I write so much about mental health is because there is enough stigma as it is, let alone with all of the qUiRkY pEoPlE who have “uwu depression” – my fellow teens will understand exactly what I mean and it brings me quite smoothly onto number four…
People who make mental health an aesthetic. It’s triggering and it makes people who struggle daily super uncomfortable. There are lots of issues with the media glamorising or romanticizing mental illness and this needs to stop. Depression isn’t listening to emo music, wearing black and joking about self harm, it’s a serious condition which makes me struggle to get out of bed and do basic tasks like eating, getting dressed and having a shower. It really upsets and triggers me when I hear someone joking about suicide/self harm in graphic detail, explaining all the who’s, what’s, where’s, when’s, how’s and why’s. I knew people who described it in such unbearable detail that I’d become so close to relapsing back into that vicious cycle and I can’t stand it. There need to be more rules in place about what is and isn’t socially acceptable when it comes to talking about self harm and jokes about it. Jokes are a coping mechanism and I get it because I use that mechanisim all the time. However, I have an issue when someone says [trigger warning – graphic details about self harm in italics] “haha I’m going to go slit my wrists!” That is not okay and is super uncomfortable. Number four took a darker turn but I’m super happy I have now gotten that off my chest. Quickly, I’ll add in a slightly lighter one!
Roadmen/Chavs/F***boys. If someone calls me “peng” unironically or talks about how I’ve got “mad batty bruv” best believe I have beef with you. If you don’t understand any of these words, I am very jealous of you. Roadmen roam free where I live and I hate it. They objectify women, start fights for no reason, offer you drugs because they can and I honestly think they just live on this earth so I can make fun of them. You can typically find them smoking outside McDonalds, causing a nuisance in their matching tracksuits, fake Gucci belts, some sort of designer trainers and bum bags (fanny packs in America). Why do I hate them so much I hear you cry?! Because they try to get you to sleep with them for no real reason other than that they can. If a roadman reads this, I have a feeling that they’ll try attack me… emphasis on the try. Honestly, to all the roadmen I’ve rolled my eyes at before, I hope you have a bright future ahead of you and I genuinely wish you all the best 🙂
People who fake r*pe claims. Honestly there is no further explanation needed, I despise people who have done this and they should honestly be ashamed in themselves. They are one of the reasons that people rarely believe victims which isn’t good.
People who are convinced the world is against them and that everyone is horrible – people who just act like the victim. These people just make my eyes roll! They don’t ever realise they have it so well off, and they just find little things to moan about.
People who make sexist comments 24/7 or just pick people apart based on looks for “laughs”. If I make a good point, I don’t want you to just say “gEt bAcK tO tHe kItChEn” I want you to talk to me like the equal I am, not pick apart my looks and gender. It shouldn’t be as difficult as people make it, honestly.
There you have it! Eight types of people who really anger me! If you liked this blog post please like and comment if you wish, and follow if you want! I post once a week about anything and everything – high quality content here! If you want me to write about anything in particular, please let me know and I’ll be happy to do so.
Some people are already aware of this, but my Totally Tatiana Blog is now on a list for Top 100 UK Lifestyle Blogs! I’m number 76 and it’s a huge achievement. I’m just a teenager, juggling this blog around in my circus of a life purely because I enjoy writing on it, but this shows I’m doing something for the greater good – which is really exciting for me. If you want to look at who else made the list, please click here as I honestly feel honoured to be put on the same list as massive bloggers. Thank you so much Feedspot, I’m very grateful, and I’ll see you all next week!
This has been Tati, ta-ta! xxx
p.s – I found the featured image on WordPress and I loved it so the angry boy stays.
Politics is shambles. You don’t really know what’s going on and neither do the leaders for about four years but then you blink and suddenly everyone’s having Brexit parties for some reason or another. There’s always some sort of non-political politics related scandal about an MP being a not-so-secret bigot or a US presidential candidate being accused of some horrific act which makes your blood boil. But hey! That’s politics! What a world we live in am I right? So, now I have stated my ever increasingly controversial opinion on politics, might as well go right to the deep end and talk about UK General elections voting age.
Looking over these rules, overall, I don’t really have an issue with them, except for one. That one is the age. I have such strong opinions on it, I wrote a whole essay on it in my Year 10 mock citizenship exam. It was an 8 Mark question and I wrote well over two pages (I did get full marks though which is cool). So, to reiterate my point but to a larger audience, I think the voting age should be lowered from 18 to 16. There are so many reasons, but I am here to discuss a small three with you. Please comment your opinions below, I love hearing from people, and I love debates! DISCLAIMER: for many of these points I will be using hyperboles, and so even though the facts are true (I’ll leave the links I used at the bottom of this article) my opinion may be exaggerated to prove the point – debates must do. This is a controversial subject but I am not one to shy away and so I am going to face this head on. I mean no disrespect to anyone; these are just my thoughts and feelings.
Firstly, I think that the voting age should be lowered because anyone who is registered as a UK citizen can vote, and those under 18 are UK Citizens also. This includes perpetrators like those who have committed heinous acts against society. So, if we are giving permission to serial killers to express their freedom, why can’t we allow innocent 16-year olds to express their basic human rights to freedom and expression? (Article 19 – Universal Declaration of Human Rights). At this point, it begs the question, is this just a basic act of human decency Britain, or is it a deprivation of the human rights that we get taught about as soon as we start school? Statistically, people do not want young people to vote because they feel there is no point as the voter turnout will not be affected. This is a valid concern since in 2017 43% of 18-19-year olds did not vote in the general election. This is staggering compared to the fact that a mere 16% of over 70-year-olds did not vote. However, the reason why so many young people did not vote is because they did not understand the concept. They were not fully educated on the matters which meant they did not understand what the difference between voting for lib-dems or the conservatives would make. There is a simple solution to this “conundrum”: We educate the younger generation on voting – we explain how to vote, why their vote matters, all the different parties, left-wing vs right-wing etc. Not only does this make young people more prepared for their future and make them more well-rounded individuals, but it also makes the voter turnout greater, meaning that Britain will be a true democracy with equal amounts of different demographics voting.
If we look at the laws that sixteen-year olds hold, they are very questionable and at some points controversial. The laws a sixteen-year-old hold are shown in figure 2:
Many of these laws are very controversial and would raise a few eyebrows. Furthermore, when you are aged thirteen, you are told you must choose your GCSE options, something which greatly shapes your future. The fact we are giving young people this control, but not to choose something which greatly shapes the future of this country is definitely wrong. In conclusion, I think we should lower the voting age from eighteen to sixteen because it is the young peoples future, it gives them good life skills for the future and it increases the chances of an equal democracy. Thank you for reading, please like this post if you enjoyed it, comment your views and opinions on this topic and follow this blog if you want to see more about what I write 🙂
At school, I am known as the “yellow girl”. I have a friend in a younger year at school who dubbed me that whenever she forgot my name and it’s stuck. It’s a nice name, a lot better than other ones I’ve been called I can tell you that! But not many people know why I love the colour yellow. Typically, people assume it’s because I love Heathers the musical and I’m going to extreme measures to live out my Heather McNamara fantasy. Others just know I go overboard with my obsessions and that’s why I own so much yellow. However, even though those two assumptions are partially correct, the real reason I love yellow so much is because of what it means to me.
I have briefly mentioned in the past I have some friends who I have fallen out with so badly that the damage is irreparable. I won’t go into all the details because it’s quite personal and I don’t want to share that just yet. However, one of the reasons we drifted is because I never fit into the “mould” of a girl they wanted. They wanted shy, submissive, quiet, smart, subtle, and everything I am the total opposite of. In one period, I was being forced so much into this mould my vigilante-self came out and I began standing my ground – a quality I’d never shown to others before then. You may be wondering where yellow comes into this so here you go…
When the colour yellow was a big fashion trend, my friends hated it. I’m still unsure why but they despised the colour so much, but I found it strange. The clothes some of these girls were wearing on non-school-uniform days were beautiful. It honestly made some of them glow like the sun. However, it made my friends red with anger. So, me being me, I decided to buy something yellow. As silly as it sounds, I decided to stand up for the colour yellow by buying yellow. I love the film Clueless and I wanted a skirt like Cher’s and when I saw someone in London with that yellow skirt, I knew what I wanted. I begged my Dad and he bought me the skirt from Pretty Little Thing. I was so excited when it arrived, I immediately took countless photos of it and set it as my profile picture on WhatsApp. I felt so empowered! I hadn’t worn a skirt before then since I was 5 so it was exciting. To me, this skirt wasn’t just an item of clothing, it was a fragment of another world I’d been trying to get into for so long, but I had been so afraid to. This skirt was a new perspective of the world for me, a perspective where I could be a feminist and wear girly clothes. A perspective where I didn’t have to be worried about what he would say. A perspective in which I can wear whatever I want and not have to be worried about what people say. When I put on that skirt, I wasn’t Tatiana, I was Cher, a slightly (well completely) clueless teenager who people loved who did make mistakes, but she owned up to and grew from them.
To this day I still wear that skirt and without fail, whenever I wear it, I feel strong, empowered and fearless. [I also feel hella cute – but that’s beside the point!]
There you have it! That’s the story of why I love the colour yellow so much. It’s because of what it represents.
Viva le resistance! xo baby, Tati xoxo
P.S – Random Fact: I used to love the colour yellow when I was a titchy Tati so full circle!
This is definitely the most taboo subject I’ve written about. I have been working on this post since February and I’ve been editing, deleting, rewriting, and considering this article. Finally, I mustered up the courage to post it. Here goes nothing!
DISCLAIMER: This is in no way to diminish anyone else’s experiences; I am simply here to inform and place my views and opinions of the subject.
First, I think this will run a lot smoother if I explain my heritage to you. I am mixed race, half Asian (1/4 Guyanese and 1/4 Bangladeshi) and half white British. So, I could be as informed as possible, I spoke to all my grandparents, asking them about their heritage. I found it fascinating learning about all their histories, so I just want to thank all my grandparents, they were incredibly helpful, and I found it remarkably interesting looking at your lives. So, in their own words, here is their stories:
Grandad A – My Mum’s Father:
“Born in Guyana (previously British Guiana) on 17 March 1947 in a place called Ruimveldt – was a town about three miles from Georgetown, the capital of Guyana which is located on the Atlantic Ocean side of South America near the equator. We were a British colony with people brought there from different parts of the world: Indigenous American Indians, Blacks from West Africa, East Indians from India, Chinese and Europeans. Our language was English. Brought to Guiana from India by the British colonists during the latter half of the nineteenth century. My grandparents were indented to the sugar plantations where they worked in servitude for the rest of their lives. My parents though born in servitude were released from the sugar plantations towards the beginning of the twentieth century when Queen Victoria abolished slavery. family of seven sons and three daughters (one sibling dying at a young age). in 1964 my parents decided to send me to England to complete my studies in Accounting. I followed my three elder brothers who had emigrated to England as part of the mass immigration from the Caribbean to work in London transport, nursing, and clothing industries. College for a total of three years where I qualified as an Accountant.”
Grandma A – My Mum’s Mother
“I was born in India in 1949. This was about two years after India was split into two countries by the British who were ruling India at the time. The land was divided on the basis of which areas contained the most Hindus and which had the most Muslims. Hindus were allocated the vast central part of the country and retained the name of India and the Muslims were given two tips on the east and west at the top of the triangle and named East and West Pakistan. My father’s family came from Mushidabad which was situated near to Calcutta (now known as Kolkata). My mother’s father was in the tea business and his family had been in the trade for many generations. I was born in a small village near Darjeeling which is at the foothills of the Himalayas. It was and still is a beautiful region but, my parents left the area to move to East Pakistan as they were both Muslims and Bengalis. Both sets of my grandparents remained in India when our parents moved to East Pakistan. After a few years, my father was promoted and we moved to Chittagong which was the main port for East Pakistan he was promoted again and given the opportunity to move to England to be based in Liverpool to look after the welfare of the many Bengali seamen who travelled back and forth from Chittagong to Liverpool at that time. My father went to England as an employee of the Pakistani government and not as an immigrant. Over the years, he worked his way up until he became a Diplomat. By then, we were grown up and had started careers of our own. We all decided to settle in England.”
Grandad I – My Dad’s Father
“Born in Nov. 1943 in Middleton, a typical NW Mill Town, in the home of my maternal grandparents, William and Ethel Berry. My mother Winifred gave birth to twins, Janice and Robin, about 18 months later. When my father, also called William, came home from the army in 1945 we moved to a very small house directly opposite a textile mill in the poorer part of Middleton. The house was blessed with a bathroom, unusual for that part of the town, but the toilet was outside. In this part of town, the streets were still cobbled, and deliveries of milk were by horse and cart. My father had a brother, Samuel, and my mother had a brother Norman and a sister Ada all married and produced children. I am the eldest of that generation. We all lived within walking distance of each other. Robin, Janice and I were known as “latch key” kids in that our parents worked full time so from the age of about 9 I would meet up with my siblings after school walk home and let ourselves into the house, make a jam butty and go out to play. I failed my 11+ exam so ended up attending Secondary Modern School. Qualifications such as GCE’s were not offered at the school so I left in the summer of 1959 without any qualifications and started work as an assistant in the Laboratory of a local Textile Factory. Realising I would not get far in this environment without qualifications I set about obtaining some. Initially at Night School, 3 nights per week. These were 12-hour days with an expectation of considerable additional home study. This course of study I followed and eventually graduated in 1967 as an Associate of The Plastics Institute. I left home at the age of 16 and lived for 3 years as a lodger in the home of a friend’s grandma. I returned to live at home at 19 when my father had a stroke. I continued to live there until I got married in 1966 and bought the house, I was born in. I had to sell my Motor Bike to pay for the deposit on the house. Back to commuting by bus until I could afford my first car, a very old Morris Minor, in 1970. In about 1972 we moved to Uppermill in Saddleworth. A new position demanded that I relocate to the Midlands so in 1989 I moved to Leicstershire.”
Grandma D – My Dad’s Mother
“My parents were brought up on outskirts of Manchester. They lived a couple of streets from each other. Went to the same school. They married just after the war. I was born a year later and lived 5 doors away from my grandparents who had a hardware shop. My house was very similar to the ones you see on Coronation Street. A terrace house with a back yard. I left school when I was 15 to work in an office that did motor insurance. It was a very old building in the centre of Manchester.”
I began primary school in 2007. As crazy as it seems now, there were only five people who weren’t Caucasian. You had me, my friend who was Chinese, and two other kids who were Indian. When I was younger, I never really thought myself as different – mostly because I wasn’t. However, people are mean, kids especially. I can’t speak for the other four, but I was constantly questioned and scrutinized about my race. This, in turn, made me very insecure and unsure about my race. I remember asking my Mum why people always said I looked different and them asking me where I came from. I remember crying when I found out I was half Indian. As crazy as it sounds now, I had heard so many stereotypes about being Indian and I found myself never fitting any of them. I was always embarrassed to be asked about my race even though some people went on holiday and came back darker than me. I don’t know why my primary school looked down so much on Indians, especially as now lots of Asians go there. It’s crazy how times have changed, even in a mere five years since I left.
I never told my parents about this lack of confidence I had surrounding my skin tone until very recently. I think I finally opened up to them this year, explaining to them that I had a lot of kids tell me to “go back to where I came from”. My Mum was completely mortified and felt awful I never told her. To be honest, I think I did the right thing telling her when I did as if I told her as it was happening, I never would have gone through my journey of self-acceptance and I’d still be feeling unsure. I’m proud of my genetics because they make me who I am. I have my Mum’s smile, her beautiful black hair, and the same characteristics. I have my Dad’s height and insane sense of humour and vocabulary (we have an aversion to the big words my Mum uses).
As aforementioned, I was extremely insecure and unsure about my race. At this time I developed anxiety and it wasn’t easy as people I knew kept on complaining about how theirs “nO wHiTe RePrESenTatIoN iN thE MeDiA” [which is the biggest bit of insanity I’ve heard since they said I was asking to be assaulted – that’s another issue in itself though] even though they have almost all the Disney princesses and I’ve yet to find a mainstream TV show or film which includes mixed race people. However, I found a YouTuber who changed all of this. Her name? Liza Koshy.
Liza posted a video called “MIXED KID PROBLEMS | GROWING UP MULTICULTURAL”. Of course, being a fan of Koshy’s iconic and hilarious videos for some time prior and being a mixed kid myself, I had to watch this video. Watching it I felt as though I could finally identify with a social media influencer. She explained it better than I ever could so here’s the video if you want to watch it:
After watching this video, confidence in myself and my race began to grow and blossom. I referred to myself as “milk chocolate” and found myself being proud of who I was. This was a first for me and I seriously couldn’t have done it without finding Liza Koshy online.
It wasn’t until I was looking back on old videos of me when I was three or so this evening that I realised I looked up to other diverse women. The only difference between these women and Liza Koshy is the fact that these women are… fictional. I have an entire article explaining these characters but in brief, I looked up to Princess Jasmine and Pocahontas as they had long black hair and slightly tanned skin. I’m really happy that tiny Tati looked up to those two Disney princesses as a child as they are (in my opinion) the most forward-thinking Disney Princesses of their time. Seeing these women in mainstream media gave me the push to keep going long before YouTube was even invented.
Once I came to terms with my ethnicity, I realised how freaking cool it is to be mixed race. My Mum and her side of the family can cook the most delicious curries, chicken tikka and kebabs. Meanwhile, my Dad and his side of the family make the most iconic British meals and the tastiest cakes with gorgeous icing. It’s not just that, I have a plethora of religions in my family, and even though I myself am not religious, it’s so wonderful to learn about different cultures and expand my global knowledge. This got me thinking. Even though we’re all the same on the inside, we all have so many differences. Why to we fear those differences? Surely, we should embrace them! If we all embrace different cultures instead of introducing idiotic immigration laws and forbid different people from coming to our country, our country, nay our world, will surely be far more peaceful and accepting. Once we get this racial tension crap sorted, we can move onto equality for the LGBTQ+ community. Too far? I don’t think so. We should learn to love, and all be equal. I still can’t believe I’m having to preach this in the 21st Century, but I guess some people don’t listen. So, until they do, I’m going to be here, and I’m staying here, fighting to get everyone’s voices heard. And until we all accept each other, I’m afraid you won’t be able to shut me up buckaroo. Good luck trying – you’ll need it 🙂
This article has been a long time coming and so I’m going to talk about some issues we’ve had in the past four years. First, I’m going to dive straight into the controversy pool and say it. The way the media present terrorist attacks is the most bogus, insulting, and backwards way. Surely, you’ll still be able to get views on your trashy tabloid article without blaming… I don’t know, China for all your problems. How about we don’t place Muslim’s in the same category as mentally unstable killers? The media is the reason Megan and Harry decided to quit royal life. Why did they attack her so much? I’ll tell you. It’s because she was mixed race and had been married previously. I’m going to say it. Why on earth is that an issue? We are in the 21st Century! We have people making cars which can drive themselves and the media are focusing on the fact that this inspiring woman is not the stereotypical image of royalty. I know she’ll never read this, but if for whatever reason Megan Markle stumbles across this article, I want her to know that she inspires me so much and I hope to become as successful as her one day. If you want an even more recent example of racial tensions around the world, lets look at how people reacted when COVID-19 first came about. If people saw someone who “looked Chinese” sneeze, sniffle or even sigh, people ran a mile. What?!
It sounds a lot like I’m just preaching problems and, yes, while that is what I am doing, I’m here to provide us with solutions too. I’m about to get very political and even more controversial. If you have an issue with it, leave a comment and we shall discuss in a calm, cool, collected way. I’m open to other people’s opinions, especially in topics like this. Okay let’s dive right into the problem pool! As I have explained my issues with the media, here are my solutions: crack the whip on the IPSO code. No more trashy tabloid articles with nonsense news articles talking about how “the Jews are to blame for all our problems!” It’s 2020, we’re not under Nazi rule, so let’s not point fingers and find solutions instead of sitting down and complaining. There’s only so much a fifteen-year-old girl without any qualifications can do to get her voice heard, so I’m leaving that up to the older generations.
What else? Here’s one: let’s enforce the Human Rights around the world. We have so many organisations so we should use them to our advantage instead of listening to the leaders of our country threaten to build walls and pinning things on “post boxes”. If anyone in power is reading this right now – please contact me, I want this to be sorted because I do not want my nine year old brother coming home telling me that the colour of his skin is ugly and he hates it. No more please I beg world.
In simple terms, if you could just keep fighting the good fight – viva le resistance baby! Our identity is made up of so much more than just race so why are we so quick to define people like that?
If you enjoyed reading this article, please like it and leave a comment about your thoughts. This is by far the most exhausting post I’ve ever written, and it’s taken me months of planning, writing, rewriting, editing and compiling and I’m still not proud of it. It is currently 01:11am and I am going to publish this article and sleep. I love you guys, stay safe,