I know, I know, this article should’ve been posted before 2021 started, not halfway through January! I’ve just been kind of busy recently and I wanted to post this so I could officially move on from 2020 – for good. I did have this article partially written up, all ready to be completed and published, I just… didn’t. I had other ideas for articles, then I felt like it was too late, but now I am finally sat down here, on a mission to do this, for my mental health more than anything else.
I had lots of great plans for 2020, it’s just a shame that I didn’t exactly get to achieve all of them…. Nonetheless, I was on a mission to make the most of it, no matter what! In my post my 2019; I discussed what big plans I had for the year ahead and my top goals and how I was going to be coming back at the end of the year, hopefully to tell you how well I did! Even though I didn’t get to achieve all my plans (a moment of silence please for The Killers concert, Six performance and the trip to America that never was), I still managed to try and achieve all eleven goals I set myself, and I’m here to prove it!
So, without further ado, these are the goals I set myself, and an honest response as to whether or not I did it!
Become better with physical contact! This one did take some time; I’ll be honest with you. I was getting a lot better, but then certain events took place which meant that I was back too square one. Luckily though, through continued support of friends and family, therapy experiences, medication, and my own will, I finally did it! Now I can confidently say to you that I only slightly flinch when I’m not expecting someone to touch me but I’m normally completely okay with it! Of course, I do still have some moments which are tricky, but I am getting on in leaps and bounds, considering I used to freak out and have a panic attack when anyone reached out to touch me, so I am very proud of myself.
Partake in a protest/march. Okay, I have an excuse for this! I wanted to but due to coronavirus, I didn’t really feel comfortable partaking in any of the BLM marches/protests. It’s a shame, but I’m carrying on this goal to 2021!!
Go to a pride event. Yet again, due to COVID, I couldn’t go to a pride event which was a shame. But yet again, 2021, I will be going! Hopefully!
Try to post once a week! This one honestly started out so well! It’s just a shame that I burnt myself out and became super busy. This year I am going to post at my own pace, whatever I want, whenever I want. It’s worked pretty well for me so far, so let’s hope it stays that way!
Pass at least five GCSEs.Whilst I didn’t actually get to do the exams, I took thig goal and my word I ran with it! Not only did I pass five, I passed all the core subjects and all my other exams too! (more on that here), so I’d say, yeah, I think I achieved this goal pretty well!
Become my own person. After a long process of “self-discovery” I guess you’d call it, I think I’ve finally done it! I’m now proud to say I’m not “a part of” anyone or anything else, I am completely just Tatiana, no more, no less – and that’s just the way I like it!
Become someone others look up to. I think I did that. After I helped a kid in year eight, I realised I could become a good role model, despite certain rebellious ways and features! I hope that as I grow up and develop myself more, that I become more of a role model and others are inspired by my story of growth, instead of just feeling sorry for me.
Get out more! God, what irony am I right? Despite being unable to go out for a lot of 2020, I did manage to go outside and – when it was legal – socialise! I definitely tried to achieve this, despite things trying to stop me!
Stop feeling bad about what I can’t control. Man, 2019 Tati was a prophet, wasn’t she?! I think that during therapy, I really tackled this goal head on. It was something which I struggled with the most, and I’m proud to say that I am doing a lot better! I feel like I now have far more control in my own life, due to the fact that I’ve accepted the fact that I can control certain aspects of my life. All’s well that ends well!
Read More! I think I’ve done that! It’s been a struggle to keep my focus, but I’m definitely a lot better. I’m now on my third book of 2021, so I am pretty proud of myself.
Never lose sight of my morals. Something I will stay true to until the end. I have my morals which I keep close to my heart, and no matter what, I will not ever betray them – which I think is pretty sound advice too!
I don’t need to remind you that this year has been a weird one. From the fact it feels like we’re living in the roaring twenties again – just the shit part – to this awful virus which has kept us all at home in a year which we all thought was going to be the bees knees. However, I have got no time to keep complaining, for I have presents to wrap and gifts to give! Even though this year has been super duper awful, there are some people who I wanted to just say thank you to. They have been my hero’s, cheering me up when I feel awful and just being there for me 24/7. So, this is for my friends, my own hero’s who have kicked ass all of this year and continue to do so, whatever the weather! As a way of thanking my friends (don’t worry, my annual thank you is out now!) this is Tati’s 2020 Christmas present haul! [I know this is after Christmas but I’ve worked hard on this article so I’m posting it no matter what!]
After I completed all my mock exams, my Mum and I decided to go out and buy some presents for our friends and family. So, I dressed up in my cutest, most comfortable outfit, and we both headed out to find some gifts for the ones we love the most.
Luckily, I had some idea about what I wanted to get for them all, which made the whole thing a lot easier! After three hours straight of standing up, we were finally done!
Nothing makes me feel more like an elf then when I wrap up presents! I finally have a bit of a knack for it, so I put on some Big Mouth and try not to get tangled in tape!
the present guide
By now, I’m sure you’re all desperate to know what I’m getting for my friends! Well, fear not! This is the list/gift guide – Tati approved!
for the foodie
I have one friend who is totally obsessed with Indian food and is always super jelly whenever I talk about how I got Indian for dinner. He also loves to cook, something which he’s done lots of during lockdown! I found this little recipe book which I thought was perfect for him and he’s already prepped to make all 200 dishes!
for the movie nerd
My best mate loves watching films and tv shows. He’s the sort of person who you’re most likely to find staying inside on a boiling hot day because he simply must finish off watching the final episode of a Netflix show he’s already watched three times before. One thing which he watches the most however, is Game of Thrones. Whenever I ask him what he’s watching, 80% of the time he replies GoT. I bagged these too finds from Menkind, and now I want them for myself!
for the veggie
I have a friend who’s been vegetarian for almost two years now, but always struggles with pots breaking in his bag, cracking or just plain losing them! For him I decided to get him a pop of colour, much deserved I must say!
for the one who needs a bit more love
I have a friend who I have known for years and years and years now. Unfortunately, he never fully realises how much love I have for him and how he needs more love for himself, so I decided to make him some things! I didn’t get any photos of these things unfortunately, but I did make him: a pillow, a badge and some lipgloss! I also threw in some bits and bobs from The Body Shop which caught my eye – they’re sweet like him!
for the gamer girl
For my gorgeous girlie who spends wayyy too much time playing games with her bf – we gotta make it prettier! I thought these lights were so cute, and you can never have too much hand cream!
For another one of my girlies, I decided to give her something different. So, I went onto Etsy and I found the most gorgeous interesting shops ever! It’s called SamThurlowArt and this man produces custom made fountain pen earrings and necklaces! [no-one else in the world has the same earrings as the one my friend now wears, which is the coolest thing to me]. I cannot get over how brilliant this store is, Sam is so good at putting care into all his products, plus his communicative skills are brilliant, letting me know when they were being dispatched etc. All in all, if you want to support small businesses, Etsy is a perfect place to go and Sam’s shop is the best place to start!
for the Potterhead
Finally, you have my crazy fangirl of a friend whom I love to pieces. I decided I wanted to get her something to show her this. Yet again, I wanted to support small shops, so I went back on Etsy and found a cute Harry Potter print which you could personalise yourself, from Clover Designs Store! I’ve yet to receive this unfortunately, but as soon as I do I will let you know!
At the end of it all, on the 18th of December, I finally went around like Santa’s little helper, and I delivered all my friends the gifts!!
all done now!!
There you have it! That was something pretty different than usual so please let me know if you liked it, I was on a mission to get it out before the end of 2020!
…because I didn’t think I could get controversial enough…
just your regular feminist killjoy here spouting her unpopular opinions! please let me know if you agree with any of them, or even have any of your own! it’ll make me feel less lonely 🙂
Actions speak louder than words. Kindness should be shown, not spoken about.
All lives matter. No debate, no arguments, they all matter.
Accept existenceor expect resistance. No wonder there were so many BLM protests this year, people finally found their voice!
Bisexuals are just as valid as lesbians, gays, straights and queers. No more of this “it’s not a real thing” crap, accept them!
“Bitch” is just another word to describe a passionate woman.
C*nt is a word we give way too much power too. At the end of the day, it’s just a word! No word should have this much control over people who gave it meaning.
Don’t be afraid of saying no. Look after yourself, you are your number one priority. If people get pissed, they don’t deserve you.
Dedication and determination are sometimes all you need. if you feel passionate enough about something, you can almost definitely make it happen because you are determined and dedicated.
Everybody has their baggage, but you grow, improve and better yourself through time.
Forgive but never forget! It’s fine to be forgiving, but still be wary of what they’ve done in the past, no matter how much they claim to have changed.
Gratitude is such a small thing but it means so much. Just be grateful once in a while, it helps put things into perspective.
Get out there! Try new things! Leave the house! You can do it!
Help is an okay thing to ask for, no matter the circumstance. No one will think less of you, and they may even respect you more!
If someone chooses sex work as a career path, that is completelyfine! As long as they are over the age of consent, it’s legal, and are happy to do this, it’s totally fine and they should not under any circumstance be shamed for this!
Just don’t be a dick. That’s all, just don’t.
Killing people is wrong, romanticising those who kill is also wrong. They give the true crime community a bad name and one of my favourite Youtuber’s Eleanor Neale made a video about one of the romanticised serial killers on Tik Tok currently and she covers some very important points about this. I’ll link that video here.
Love is something everyone needs a bit more of in their lives. No matter who, where, or why, the whole world needs more love. Spread it like peanut butter!!
Mansplaining/Manspreading aren’t real things… Mansplaining is just people being patronising, something women are pretty good at! And manspreading… as my male mates say and I blindly agree with them to get them to shut up about their genitals: “It’s like a biological thing innit?” “…you gotta let em breatheeeee…” “it gets super uncomfortable, they get squished!” That’s far more info than you needed, but if I have to suffer, so do you!
Nomatter what a piece of shityou are, you still deserve to be referred to as your desired gender. It’s basic human decency and it’s only fair.
Opportunistic > Optimistic. It’s all well and good to go through life hoping everything will be alright in the end, but if you’re opportunist, then you go out of your way to make everything alright, no matter what life throws at you.
People are good deep down! Being bad, in my opinion, is a choice, albeit a subconscious one, but you can change for the better.
Questioning things and being curious is fine, just make sure to be respectful.
Refugees not racists. That’s all, thank you.
Stay strong, as hard as it may feel at times, you can do it, I believe in you.
Study hard, learn hard, do good
There’s no point in complainingabout something which you could have done something about. Don’t sit and complain, take action and move forwards.
Unite and we can do anything! This has been seen time and time again in history so…
“Virgin” is such a strange insult which really shouldn’t be a thing. Same with slut! It’s just weird sex-life-obsessed insults which are just super strange.
Women are not responsible for men’s shitty actions. And the defiantly don’t deserve being held accountable, for things which aren’t their fault.
“xtreme” sports seem kinda stupid and pointless. I get adrenaline is meant to be really cool but what’s the point? Please, someone explain!
Y’all can wear whateveryou want! If you feel good in it and it isn’t offensive in any way, you go out and be fabulous!!
Your happiness and well-being should be your own number one priority! As they say on aeroplanes, in case of emergency, sort yourself out first. This shouldn’t just apply to air travel, it works perfectly for everyday life too!
Zeus is kinda a dick in Greek mythology. Some of the god’s and goddesses were super cool and I love Greek mythology loads, it’s super interesting but I have no time for Zeus. He’s just a dick!
I like to count my blessings at this time of year, because I’m lucky for a lot of things and grateful for everything in my life, as rubbish as it feels at times. If you read my 2019 thankyou, then any of my other posts, you’ll know that a lot has changed this year. From the obvious, to the slightly more personal which I still don’t really feel comfortable talking about yet, a lot has happened. As shit as it’s been, I stand by the fact that I am a bloody warrior. But, even though I’m strong, even strong warriors need help at times. And this article is just to simply say thank you to those who raise me up whenever I need it. I’m 5″6 regularly, but when I’m with this lot, I swear I could be 10 feet tall. So, here’s my annual gratitude post! Love you all, Tati.
First and foremost, the person who I care about more than anyone else, my little baby brother. He’s not exactly a baby, he’s 10, but he will forever be my baby. This year has been hard on him too, and he deserves more credit than I give him. He’s super duper active so staying inside has been a pain in the ass for him. But, he’s overcome it alongside me, through Just Dance, Beetlejuice and just starting every day on the right side of bed, he’s my little hero. He’s got a wicked sense of humour too – I’m proud to say he gets it from me! (my parents on the other hand… not as proud when he comes out with a slightly dark joke… sorry guys…!)
Second up, my saving grace throughout lockdown: my friends. These little shits were my rocks and my word what great rocks they were! We hung out almost everyday in the summer (you know who you are), we called everyday from March to May, and some of you, sixth form has made us super duper close, as much as you hate to admit it! All my friends are the sweetest, most supportive people I have ever known. They are all so funny, caring and fiercely loyal. I can’t get over how lucky I am that so many of them live close by and I can just pop over whenever I want to! All of you are perfect and you made me see that before I can let anyone else into my life romantically, I need to let myself in first. Even though it took each of them a lot of yelling, hinting, and just general “DUDE GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER!”-ing, I finally listened to them and I can happily say my mental health is the best it’s ever been, from eating regularly and (relatively) healthily, to avoiding self-destructive habits which clouded my judgement almost all the time, to just accepting the fact that in myself, I am a decent person who just wants to get better even though I mess up at times. Through their love and encouragement, I’ve successfully managed to let myself into my own life, thinking about what I need, being selfish to protect myself, and even let in someone else without destroying my self-worth!
That’s a smooth transition into the next person I want to thank: my boyfriend. He’s the stupidest, smartest person I have ever met and I love it. He always cheers me up without even realising and he puts up with all of my crazy ways, just like how I put up with his. He’s driven and ready for life, so we both get on like too hyper-active peas in a pod. Plus, I’ve known him since year seven, we may have not properly spoken until late year eleven, but it’s all worked out in my favour, because I feel like I finally have a chance of a good relationship which is super duper exciting for me. He’s a good egg 🙂
A slightly more lighthearted one before I get deep and meaningful again, Miss Taylor Swift! I talk about her a hell of a lot, and that’s what you need to expect here, this blog is 50% my life and the other 50% a Swift fanpage. I feel she saved 2020 with her releases of not one but two albums: Folklore and Evermore! Taylor Swift is the perfect being, change my mind.
Okay, now my Tay-Tay moment is over, I want to say thank you to my parents! Since lockdown started, my Mum and I have slowly begun to turn into the same person, and I’m honestly not mad about it! She’s the one woman I look up to more than Taylor Swift in my life and I love her to bits. Of course, I can’t be grateful for my Mum without mentioning the other 50% of my DNA – my Dad! I won’t lie, it’s been a rocky road this year, but I’m proud to say we’ve come out better and stronger than ever! From sing-alongs (or just ruining songs), to coming up with strange catchphrases, to a strange chaotic trip to IKEA, my Dad and I are now extremely close! I love him and he gives the best hugs ever. No debate.
Next on both the family tree and the thank you list, my Grandparents! This lockdown has definitely been the toughest for them, but they seldom complain! From helping me with blog articles, to our weekly family quiz, to them all sending me chaotic memes with both make me laugh and concern me largely, I love them to bits! It’s been hard not getting to see them, but if it keeps them safe, I am happy to continue to run away screaming when my Grandad comes up to me (true story – I’m so sorry Grandad!!)
Finally, a slightly more unexpected one: the – to be quite frank – the dickheads of my 2020. Even though you were each total shit bags (and they were big shit bags), you have each been a part of my character development so cheers. You’ve turned me into who I am now, and I kind of love it so I’m embracing you and putting you out of my mind forever and always, you’re welcome.
That’s all! Slightly different than last years, but I do love this mini tradition! If you celebrate it, I hope you have a lovely Christmas, if not have an amazing December!
I’ve been logged off of Totally Tatiana for almost three months now, and I feel I should explain why to you guys.
As you all know, I struggle a lot with my mental health as it is. I have crushingly low self esteem, I struggle with PTSD, and I have to take medication for my depressive episodes. This September something bad happened. I won’t go into details, I’m just going to say it was bad. This caused a lot of knock on effects and my mental health plummeted and I went back to square one. This took away almost all of my motivation and I felt like I couldn’t bring myself to write on here whatsoever.
Through mountains of support from my friends, family and therapy, I am slowly getting better. there’s still a long road ahead, but I’m willing to try my absolute hardest to battle through this and I know I will get there eventually.
Thank you so much for all your support recently, I’ve been feeling so much love from you all, it’s kind of insane!
Hope this clears things up slightly, I promise I won’t take anymore undocumented breaks!
Firstly, I’m sorry for the extended, unexpected hiatus. I will be explaining that in due time, but I am safe, happy and healthy and I hope you gorgeous people are too! Now, on with the article!
I love Christmas. The presents; the songs; the traditions; the food; the atmosphere, I love it all.
Due to the fact I love it so much and I want to spread some Christmas cheer to my favourite people in the whole wide world (yes that is you), I have decided to give you a list of 24 things to do on the run up to Christmas, so you can keep it festive all season long! These things are perfect to do with your friends, family, significant other, whoever really! Don’t worry if you can’t see people face to face because of…reasons… these activities also work if you’re self isolating this festive season.
I’m just hoping to provide you all with a little festive joy in these dark times. I am now Tati the Christmas Elf, spreading Christmas cheer at this time of year! [Yes, I did write that because it rhymed, Christmas makes me turn into a child and that’s not a bad thing!]. Now, let’s get started!
Dance to Christmas Music
There’s something strangely beautiful about dancing like nobody’s watching. It’s freeing, a good form of exercise, and you can listen to Christmas bangers while pretending you’re Mariah Carey, and no one will judge you because they’re doing exactly the same thing. I just feel like people need to dance more, it’s a magical thing.
2. Decorate the tree!
Lugging down the tree from the attic, reminiscing over all the decorations you remember getting, then eventually abandoning the decorating because you “got bored”. That’s my Christmas tree decorating for you. However, this year, I’m going to be different. I am on a mission to decorate the tree and make it the most gorgeous tree ever. It’s such a cute activity and I can’t wait to do it this weekend!
3. Go Christmas shopping!
My favourite part of Christmas is – without a doubt – the Christmas shopping! I love going around the shops and choosing that one perfect gift which I know they’ll treasure for years to come. Even though the shops are opening, if you’re still paranoid about having to go to the big shops, don’t fear! Etsy is here! Etsy is pretty much now the place I buy everything from. You support small businesses, you get quality products and it’s so lovely because you feel like you’re a valued customer at each shop you buy from. Plus, the things you can buy there… oh. my. god. I just live and breathe Etsy – it’s a Pinterest-ers paradise!
4. Make some special Christmas cards for the ones you love
I also love to make cards. I’m slowly turning into a full out crafter and it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. I love to make handmade cards for friends and family because – like them – they’re one in a million. Plus, if you’re stuck for ideas, just look online!
5. Christmas Light Trails
Something which I used to do all the time with my friend at this time of year. We’d hop in the car and go have a look at all the Christmas lights in the houses. Some of them were gorgeous!! As time progressed, I began to bring this tradition to my family, and now we go and look at the Christmas lights in London. A gorgeous, but affordable, tradition which produces gorgeous photos!
6. Wear something festive!
Every day is Christmas when you’re friends with me! From reindeer antlers, to dancing light up spinning Christmas trees, to hair baubles, to ugly jumpers, to a turkey hat, if you want tack, we have you covered! My friends and I all have the most tacky crap in our houses, exclusively for the month of December. No matter how bad life is going for us, we will get into the festive season, jingle bells and all. It cheers us up to no end and the teachers get a kick out of it too. It’s just a lovely way to spread Christmas cheer when you don’t feel too cheery yourself.
7. Gift wrapping
Unleash your inner elf and wrap to your hearts content!! Get out all the wrapping paper, ribbons, all that jazz and wrap the gifts so beautifully that people won’t want to open them! Plus, you can even make your own wrapping paper and that’s always super impressive and it can look super professional.
8. Christmas movie marathon!!
The only thing I do on my Sunday evenings! I love Christmas films – well a certain selection. And I have been getting hyped all year to watch the Nativity Trilogy!! I don’t know if people watch this trilogy anywhere else that’s not England, but if not, you should! I’ve been watching these films since the first came out in 2010 and I now watch them every single year, without fail. Another iconic one I’ve watched for as long as I can remember is the Disney Once Upon a Christmas. I’ve watched those since I could watch things and those mini stories all hold a special place in my heart.
9. Christmas walks!
There’s nothing better than late night strolls – I have mentioned this before! And when it’s Christmas, there’s a certain sense of magic in the air. Lace up your boots, zip up your coat and wrap up warm! We’re going on an adventure ♥️
10. Read a book
I love to read. I never shut up about how much I love to read, so of course my list has to include at least a tiny bit of reading! Just curl up and allow yourself to be transported to a magical world where the only limit is your imagination. It’s such a perfect way to unwind and relax and forget about your worries.
11. Spa Day!
Nothing screams self love like turning off your phone and running a bubble bath and hakuna matata-ing your cares away. Use that bath bomb at the back of your cupboard and put on your favourite playlist and just embrace your own gorgeous self at the end of a stressful day at school or work.
12. Do some charity work
One of the most important parts of Christmas is giving to others, and something I used to do at my secondary school is we’d donate to our local food bank. I think that’s such a lovely tradition and it’s always lovely to give back to those we love.
13. Make a gingerbread house!
Something I am on a mission to do this festive season is make a gingerbread house. As soon as my mock exams are over, I will be making the most extravagant, incredible gingerbread house the world has ever seen! Expect a blog post of my journey soon!
14. Get those cute Christmas pics!
Another thing I always go on about at this time of year is taking the cutest photos possible! The Christmas lights, the weather, all of it is just super cute and Insta-worthy! Make sure you share your photos with me ❤
15. Make special Christmas cookies!
As you have probably worked out by now, I love baking! I find it so relaxing and decorating things so they look super pretty is just so much fun to me. I love to bake with my friends especially and just because we can’t go to each other’s houses doesn’t mean we can’t still do that!! I for one know I will be FaceTiming my friends and together we can whip up a batch of cookies for our families to enjoy!
16. Make reindeer food
Something I used to love doing when I was five or six was getting food for Santas reindeer and sprinkling it on my lawn on Christmas Eve. It’s something I hold close to my heart and I know if I ever decide to have kids, it’ll be something I share with them. If you want a recipe, I found a lovely one here.
17. Hot chocolate and fluffy sock Friday’s!
The other day, I was talking to my boyfriend about this blog post idea, saying that this was one of the first things I thought of. He blew me away and said he’s never owned a pair of fluffy socks! Crazy! I feel like it should be a law that everyone owns their own pair of fluffy socks and has to wear them at least once a month. I have oodles and boodles of these and I have my gorgeous hot chocolate which I will only ever buy from Whittard’s . Perfect after a tiring week at school, getting into my jammies, putting on whatever binge-worthy thing I’m watching this week, and settling down and see how long it takes for me to become the sofa.
18. Letters to Santa
Yet another fun thing I loved doing when I was young, letters to Santa are the greatest invention known to mankind. Just writing them and hoping that you’ll get what you wished so hard for, and seeing if he listened to your wishes on Christmas Day.
19. Christmas markets
This may be a lot more difficult now, what with restrictions and everything, but if there is one open near you, go to a Christmas market!! They have some of the most gorgeous things in these little shops, I even have a ring I got when I was 12 which I still wear today from the Hyde Park Winter Wonderland. (Next year I’m going to go, I refuse to miss out two consecutive years!!)
20. Star gazing
Looking out of my window right now, this may not exactly be the smartest move in the whole galaxy (heh… get it?). But, on a slightly less wet and windy day, go to your local park and just lay there, looking at the stars. I love stars, I used to love going to the planetarium too, just that feeling that you were infinite and you could do anything you put your mind to, it’s just so gorgeous to me. It’s the thought that when you look at them, your soulmate could be looking at them too… gah it’s just so cute to me!
21. BOARD GAME BATTLE!!! [not to the death though, no one should get hurt]
Sometimes I forget how nerdy I can be, then I’ll start getting super excited over board games. I love board games. They’re so much fun and I really enjoy how competitive people get, especially in things like UNO! If you want to get the whole family together, why not create a family pub quiz? Zoom call in the family and see who’s the best at knowing random crap you’ll never need in the real world! It’s super fun and my family did it once a week together over lockdown.
22. Hang up the stockings!
I’ve had my own personal stocking I’ve used since I was born!! I just think they’re the coolest things and it’s so fun hanging them up on Christmas Eve, then coming down the following morning and seeing them all filled to the brim!
23. Get some special Christmas PJs!
Matching or not, get yourself some festive jammies this Christmas season! They have super cute ones everywhere and they’re super affordable too! Get the festive spirit running through your veins this December!
24. Have a lazy day – you deserve it!
No matter what you’ve spent this year doing, I think we can all agree that you deserve a lazy day this December. Enjoy yourself, relax and stay safe this festive season.
I never really saw the point in reflecting on things – the past is in the past and I found it best to keep it that way. But this year was such an emotional rollercoaster, I think it’s only fair to reflect, reminisce and learn from 2019. It’s also a perfect way to wave the eventful year behind so I can hop, skip and jump into 2020. It’s good to recognise the positives and negatives from this year and writing and preparing this article was honestly such a cleansing experience and I feel finally ready to embrace the new year! (That sounds very spiritual and that’s not me at all but I kinda like it, so we’ll allow it)
In so many ways, 2019 was one of the hardest years for me. Lots of things happened or surfaced which made it an extremely emotional time for me. In this year alone:
I got officially diagnosed with depression, PTSD and a trauma-based eating disorder
I lost contact with people who meant the world to me – especially one person who stopped me from relapsing and getting bad again.
I had a daily struggle with going to and staying in lessons, the wholeeeee year.
I went down extremely toxic ways of recovery
My anxiety (which I hadn’t badly struggled with since 2016-2017) came back worse than ever
I stopped doing things I loved the most as I was scared to be judged.
I have extremely bad trust issues
Learnt what it’s like to have random strangers now everything about you without a way to control it.
Got picked on almost daily
Considered ending it all on multiple occasions.
However, 2019 was also the year of coming out of my shell and fighting the good fight. I’ve had so many amazing, life-changing experiences which definitely out-weigh the negatives!
I started this blog!
I’ve begun to raise awareness about sexual assault, mental illness and feminism in school!
I went to SITC and had the most amazing time meeting the most amazing people
I got to spend a day in Brighton with my Big Brother and this summer we became closer than ever before!
I found a friendship group and boyfriend who like me for me.
I got to see the Book of Mormon with my Dad (which was incredible). I also got to spend the whole day in London with him and we’re super close now and we have a bond stronger than we have ever had.
Became more self-confident in what I wear and showing off my body a bit more
I moved up to the top of the school – Year 11 let’s get it!
I became a prefect – something I have wanted to do since Year 7
I got to take a trip down memory lane and worked at my old primary school for a week.
Reconnected with an old friend and now we’re super close
I managed to push my limits and I sung solos in school productions and performed on the frEAKING WEST END! (My dream come true)
Became really close with my family (and my extended family!)
I am slowly becoming better with physical contact
I became a proud activist (much to my friends eardrums dismay – I am not afraid to get my voice heard!)
My mental health is slowly improving
I got to see Wicked with my friends (review coming soon!)
Got a distinction in my English Speaking and Listening Assessment
I don’t mind what people think of me as much
Even though this year was (in some ways) pretty good, I am positive 2020 will be amazing! I have so many exciting things planned, that I cannot wait for!
I’m starting a new chapter in my education: sixth form!
I’m seeing the Kaiser Chiefs and The Killers live in concert!
I’m also seeing Six: The Musical live with my little brother!
Going to Los Angeles and Las Vegas with my family which means DISNEYLAND!!
I have my 12 weeks summer holiday! (After GCSE’s of course)
I’m going to Prom!
I’ll be turning sixteen! (Legal boys, legal noise – sorry Mum and Dad!)
I will be ensuring that 2020 is amazing though, and I have set myself goals and targets that I wish to achieve so that 2020 will undoubtably be the best year. Next year, my aims are:
Become a lot better with physical contact
Partake in a protest or march
Go to a pride event with Thumper
Try and post once a week here!
Pass at least five GCSE’s
Not let others control me and become my own person
Become someone younger people look up to
Get out more! Learn about the world around me!
Stop feeling bad about what I can’t control
Read and go to the library more!
Become Proud of myself
And finally, never lose sight of my morals.
So, there you have it! That’s been my 2019 and what I want to achieve in 2020! Thank you so much for reading, I couldn’t be here without fans who are supportive and as lovely as you.