Tag: My 2020

Posted on in mental health

Did I Achieve My 2020 Goals?

I know, I know, this article should’ve been posted before 2021 started, not halfway through January!  I’ve just been kind of busy recently and I wanted to post this so I could officially move on from 2020 – for good.  I did have this article partially written up, all ready to be completed and published, I just… didn’t.  I had other ideas for articles, then I felt like it was too late, but now I am finally sat down here, on a mission to do this, for my mental health more than anything else.

I had lots of great plans for 2020, it’s just a shame that I didn’t exactly get to achieve all of them…. Nonetheless, I was on a mission to make the most of it, no matter what!  In my post my 2019; I discussed what big plans I had for the year ahead and my top goals and how I was going to be coming back at the end of the year, hopefully to tell you how well I did!  Even though I didn’t get to achieve all my plans (a moment of silence please for The Killers concert, Six performance and the trip to America that never was), I still managed to try and achieve all eleven goals I set myself, and I’m here to prove it!

So, without further ado, these are the goals I set myself, and an honest response as to whether or not I did it!

  1. Become better with physical contact! This one did take some time; I’ll be honest with you.  I was getting a lot better, but then certain events took place which meant that I was back too square one.  Luckily though, through continued support of friends and family, therapy experiences, medication, and my own will, I finally did it!  Now I can confidently say to you that I only slightly flinch when I’m not expecting someone to touch me but I’m normally completely okay with it!  Of course, I do still have some moments which are tricky, but I am getting on in leaps and bounds, considering I used to freak out and have a panic attack when anyone reached out to touch me, so I am very proud of myself.
  2. Partake in a protest/march. Okay, I have an excuse for this!  I wanted to but due to coronavirus, I didn’t really feel comfortable partaking in any of the BLM marches/protests.  It’s a shame, but I’m carrying on this goal to 2021!!
  3. Go to a pride event.  Yet again, due to COVID, I couldn’t go to a pride event which was a shame.  But yet again, 2021, I will be going!  Hopefully!
  4. Try to post once a week!  This one honestly started out so well!  It’s just a shame that I burnt myself out and became super busy.  This year I am going to post at my own pace, whatever I want, whenever I want.  It’s worked pretty well for me so far, so let’s hope it stays that way!
  5. Pass at least five GCSEs.  Whilst I didn’t actually get to do the exams, I took thig goal and my word I ran with it!  Not only did I pass five, I passed all the core subjects and all my other exams too! (more on that here), so I’d say, yeah, I think I achieved this goal pretty well!
  6. Become my own person.  After a long process of “self-discovery” I guess you’d call it, I think I’ve finally done it!  I’m now proud to say I’m not “a part of” anyone or anything else, I am completely just Tatiana, no more, no less – and that’s just the way I like it!
  7. Become someone others look up to.  I think I did that.  After I helped a kid in year eight, I realised I could become a good role model, despite certain rebellious ways and features!  I hope that as I grow up and develop myself more, that I become more of a role model and others are inspired by my story of growth, instead of just feeling sorry for me.
  8. Get out more!  God, what irony am I right?  Despite being unable to go out for a lot of 2020, I did manage to go outside and – when it was legal – socialise!  I definitely tried to achieve this, despite things trying to stop me!
  9. Stop feeling bad about what I can’t control.  Man, 2019 Tati was a prophet, wasn’t she?!  I think that during therapy, I really tackled this goal head on.  It was something which I struggled with the most, and I’m proud to say that I am doing a lot better!  I feel like I now have far more control in my own life, due to the fact that I’ve accepted the fact that I can control certain aspects of my life.  All’s well that ends well!
  10. Read More!  I think I’ve done that! It’s been a struggle to keep my focus, but I’m definitely a lot better.  I’m now on my third book of 2021, so I am pretty proud of myself.
  11. Never lose sight of my morals.  Something I will stay true to until the end.  I have my morals which I keep close to my heart, and no matter what, I will not ever betray them – which I think is pretty sound advice too!
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Posted on in fashion and beauty, just for fun

the art of giving, gifting and goodwill to all | tati’s 2020 Christmas present haul: what I gave to my friends this year

I don’t need to remind you that this year has been a weird one. From the fact it feels like we’re living in the roaring twenties again – just the shit part – to this awful virus which has kept us all at home in a year which we all thought was going to be the bees knees. However, I have got no time to keep complaining, for I have presents to wrap and gifts to give! Even though this year has been super duper awful, there are some people who I wanted to just say thank you to. They have been my hero’s, cheering me up when I feel awful and just being there for me 24/7. So, this is for my friends, my own hero’s who have kicked ass all of this year and continue to do so, whatever the weather! As a way of thanking my friends (don’t worry, my annual thank you is out now!) this is Tati’s 2020 Christmas present haul! [I know this is after Christmas but I’ve worked hard on this article so I’m posting it no matter what!]

the shopping

After I completed all my mock exams, my Mum and I decided to go out and buy some presents for our friends and family. So, I dressed up in my cutest, most comfortable outfit, and we both headed out to find some gifts for the ones we love the most.

my cute lil’ outfit and all the shopping in that bag | jacket and shirt from New Look, jeans from Boohoo and shoes from Converse
I didn’t get this for anyone, I just thought it was the coolest thing that there’s a whole book about why Keanu Reeves is perfect and I loved it.
This is something I saw in Fenwicks. He is now my son and he’s called Tarquin and I will protect him with my life.

Luckily, I had some idea about what I wanted to get for them all, which made the whole thing a lot easier! After three hours straight of standing up, we were finally done!

the wrapping

Nothing makes me feel more like an elf then when I wrap up presents! I finally have a bit of a knack for it, so I put on some Big Mouth and try not to get tangled in tape!

99% Done with wrapping – my wrapping zone!

the present guide

By now, I’m sure you’re all desperate to know what I’m getting for my friends! Well, fear not! This is the list/gift guide – Tati approved!

for the foodie

I have one friend who is totally obsessed with Indian food and is always super jelly whenever I talk about how I got Indian for dinner. He also loves to cook, something which he’s done lots of during lockdown! I found this little recipe book which I thought was perfect for him and he’s already prepped to make all 200 dishes!

for the movie nerd

My best mate loves watching films and tv shows. He’s the sort of person who you’re most likely to find staying inside on a boiling hot day because he simply must finish off watching the final episode of a Netflix show he’s already watched three times before. One thing which he watches the most however, is Game of Thrones. Whenever I ask him what he’s watching, 80% of the time he replies GoT. I bagged these too finds from Menkind, and now I want them for myself!

for the veggie

I have a friend who’s been vegetarian for almost two years now, but always struggles with pots breaking in his bag, cracking or just plain losing them! For him I decided to get him a pop of colour, much deserved I must say!

Veggie Pun snack boxes - set of 4

for the one who needs a bit more love

I have a friend who I have known for years and years and years now. Unfortunately, he never fully realises how much love I have for him and how he needs more love for himself, so I decided to make him some things! I didn’t get any photos of these things unfortunately, but I did make him: a pillow, a badge and some lipgloss! I also threw in some bits and bobs from The Body Shop which caught my eye – they’re sweet like him!

for the gamer girl

For my gorgeous girlie who spends wayyy too much time playing games with her bf – we gotta make it prettier! I thought these lights were so cute, and you can never have too much hand cream!

✨hand creams similar to the one i gave my girlie✨
Croissant Wire Lights

for the quirky icon

For another one of my girlies, I decided to give her something different. So, I went onto Etsy and I found the most gorgeous interesting shops ever! It’s called SamThurlowArt and this man produces custom made fountain pen earrings and necklaces! [no-one else in the world has the same earrings as the one my friend now wears, which is the coolest thing to me]. I cannot get over how brilliant this store is, Sam is so good at putting care into all his products, plus his communicative skills are brilliant, letting me know when they were being dispatched etc. All in all, if you want to support small businesses, Etsy is a perfect place to go and Sam’s shop is the best place to start!

for the Potterhead

Finally, you have my crazy fangirl of a friend whom I love to pieces. I decided I wanted to get her something to show her this. Yet again, I wanted to support small shops, so I went back on Etsy and found a cute Harry Potter print which you could personalise yourself, from Clover Designs Store! I’ve yet to receive this unfortunately, but as soon as I do I will let you know!

the giving

At the end of it all, on the 18th of December, I finally went around like Santa’s little helper, and I delivered all my friends the gifts!!

in the car on the way to the first house!

okay but the lighting is cute here!
first gift delivered! and I got something back!

final gift!!

all done now!!

There you have it! That was something pretty different than usual so please let me know if you liked it, I was on a mission to get it out before the end of 2020!

Lots of love and hugs,

Tati xxxx

Posted on in mental health, vigilante

my 2020 thank you’s

I like to count my blessings at this time of year, because I’m lucky for a lot of things and grateful for everything in my life, as rubbish as it feels at times. If you read my 2019 thank you, then any of my other posts, you’ll know that a lot has changed this year. From the obvious, to the slightly more personal which I still don’t really feel comfortable talking about yet, a lot has happened. As shit as it’s been, I stand by the fact that I am a bloody warrior. But, even though I’m strong, even strong warriors need help at times. And this article is just to simply say thank you to those who raise me up whenever I need it. I’m 5″6 regularly, but when I’m with this lot, I swear I could be 10 feet tall. So, here’s my annual gratitude post! Love you all, Tati.

First and foremost, the person who I care about more than anyone else, my little baby brother. He’s not exactly a baby, he’s 10, but he will forever be my baby. This year has been hard on him too, and he deserves more credit than I give him. He’s super duper active so staying inside has been a pain in the ass for him. But, he’s overcome it alongside me, through Just Dance, Beetlejuice and just starting every day on the right side of bed, he’s my little hero. He’s got a wicked sense of humour too – I’m proud to say he gets it from me! (my parents on the other hand… not as proud when he comes out with a slightly dark joke… sorry guys…!)

Second up, my saving grace throughout lockdown: my friends. These little shits were my rocks and my word what great rocks they were! We hung out almost everyday in the summer (you know who you are), we called everyday from March to May, and some of you, sixth form has made us super duper close, as much as you hate to admit it! All my friends are the sweetest, most supportive people I have ever known. They are all so funny, caring and fiercely loyal. I can’t get over how lucky I am that so many of them live close by and I can just pop over whenever I want to! All of you are perfect and you made me see that before I can let anyone else into my life romantically, I need to let myself in first. Even though it took each of them a lot of yelling, hinting, and just general “DUDE GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER!”-ing, I finally listened to them and I can happily say my mental health is the best it’s ever been, from eating regularly and (relatively) healthily, to avoiding self-destructive habits which clouded my judgement almost all the time, to just accepting the fact that in myself, I am a decent person who just wants to get better even though I mess up at times. Through their love and encouragement, I’ve successfully managed to let myself into my own life, thinking about what I need, being selfish to protect myself, and even let in someone else without destroying my self-worth!

That’s a smooth transition into the next person I want to thank: my boyfriend. He’s the stupidest, smartest person I have ever met and I love it. He always cheers me up without even realising and he puts up with all of my crazy ways, just like how I put up with his. He’s driven and ready for life, so we both get on like too hyper-active peas in a pod. Plus, I’ve known him since year seven, we may have not properly spoken until late year eleven, but it’s all worked out in my favour, because I feel like I finally have a chance of a good relationship which is super duper exciting for me. He’s a good egg 🙂

A slightly more lighthearted one before I get deep and meaningful again, Miss Taylor Swift! I talk about her a hell of a lot, and that’s what you need to expect here, this blog is 50% my life and the other 50% a Swift fanpage. I feel she saved 2020 with her releases of not one but two albums: Folklore and Evermore! Taylor Swift is the perfect being, change my mind.

Okay, now my Tay-Tay moment is over, I want to say thank you to my parents! Since lockdown started, my Mum and I have slowly begun to turn into the same person, and I’m honestly not mad about it! She’s the one woman I look up to more than Taylor Swift in my life and I love her to bits. Of course, I can’t be grateful for my Mum without mentioning the other 50% of my DNA – my Dad! I won’t lie, it’s been a rocky road this year, but I’m proud to say we’ve come out better and stronger than ever! From sing-alongs (or just ruining songs), to coming up with strange catchphrases, to a strange chaotic trip to IKEA, my Dad and I are now extremely close! I love him and he gives the best hugs ever. No debate.

Next on both the family tree and the thank you list, my Grandparents! This lockdown has definitely been the toughest for them, but they seldom complain! From helping me with blog articles, to our weekly family quiz, to them all sending me chaotic memes with both make me laugh and concern me largely, I love them to bits! It’s been hard not getting to see them, but if it keeps them safe, I am happy to continue to run away screaming when my Grandad comes up to me (true story – I’m so sorry Grandad!!)

Finally, a slightly more unexpected one: the – to be quite frank – the dickheads of my 2020. Even though you were each total shit bags (and they were big shit bags), you have each been a part of my character development so cheers. You’ve turned me into who I am now, and I kind of love it so I’m embracing you and putting you out of my mind forever and always, you’re welcome.

That’s all! Slightly different than last years, but I do love this mini tradition! If you celebrate it, I hope you have a lovely Christmas, if not have an amazing December!

Love and socially distanced hugs,

Tati xoxo